1. Wear Garbage
You might as well jump the trend while you still can.
2. Smoke In Public, Dramatically
3. Be Vegan At Least One Meal A Day
Hey, we can't all be perfect.
4. Drink Your Beverages Out Of Weird Things
5. Hate Athletes
Because why waste time with sprots when you could be sipping tea or sitting in the quad (see #2, #4).
6. Arrive 30 Minutes Late To Class At Least Once A Week
Just don't forget about that class participation.
7. The (Lack Of) Hair
The more hair you have, the more heteronormative.
8. Hole-In-The-Wall Parties With Loud Live Music
Absolutely no good music. Absolutely none.
9. Rock An Aesthetic That Is Both Offbeat And Questionable
Make sure there is not a single person in the world who could look like you.
10. Live On South Campus & Spend All Your Time At Your Co-op
It's not safe out there in the real world.
11. Utilize Creative Methods Of Transportation
Walking is so mainstream.
12. Bonus Points If You're A Cis Straight White Male But People Act Like You're Not
I'm not like other guys. I've been unlearning society's rigid standards since I was a wee boy.
13. Use "Arbitrary", "Heteronormative", "Agency", And "XYZ" At Least Once In Every Class Discussion
We all know someone who does this.
14. Be Weird And Obscure No Matter How Inconvenient
Probably.
