Ditch all of the lying, cheating, and arguing for something that will really make you happy. Find true happiness for once. Give pizza a chance! It's a million times better than a significant other, and here are just a few of the many reasons why.
1. Pizza always smells good.
Your S.O. might have B.O. but pizza always smells like Heaven.
2. You won't be nervous to meet the family, and odds are you'll love them too.
Whether it's meat lovers, veggie, or the classic pepperoni, you're bound to love at least one member of the pizza family.
3. Pizza will never argue with you over what movie to watch.
But if it did, it would probably want to watch something extra cheesy [pun intended].
4. It's always on time.
Can you track your significant other's arrival? You could, but it would be creepy as hell. Delivery apps let you follow your pizza from creation to delivery, so you'll know exactly where it is at all times.
5. You can bring it back to your place and not feel guilty about it.
I promise you won't regret it in the morning.
6. It will keep you warm in the chilly winter weather.
Cold? Forget the struggle of trying to fit two grown people on a tiny little couch and reach for a nice hot slice of pizza to warm you up instead.
7. Thick, thin, small, or large, you can choose whatever shape and size you want.
You can't create your dream partner, but you can create your dream pizza.
8. Dressed up or casual, it always looks good.
From a Little Caesars HOT-N-READY to a fancy pizzeria's gourmet pie, pizza always looks beautiful. After all, attraction is a very important part of a relationship.
9. It's available at all hours of the night.
Your significant other might not drive to your house in the middle of the night when you need it, but pizza delivery will.
10. RANCH.
You can't put ranch all over your significant other. Well, you could if you're into some freaky fetish, but it won't be as good as it is on pizza.
11. Eating pizza once a week is said to reduce the risk of esophageal cancer.
Is your significant other reducing your risk of esophageal cancer? I think not.
12. You won't have to worry about your friends' or family's approval.
Who doesn't love pizza? I triple dog dare you to find someone who doesn't love pizza.
13. Pizza > Flowers
Sending yourself pizza is a thousand times better than receiving flowers. Why? You can't eat flowers.
14. You'll always have your space.
If you don't want pizza around, pizza won't be around. It's only there when you want it to be there...which is probably all the time.
