I've only been at Miami in Oxford for one semester, but a lot of things have already stuck out to me. I came here under the promise of a great, well-rounded college experience, but I've found a list of other things that should really characterize the "Miami experience."
1. The campus is too beautiful.
How am I supposed to feel good about myself when a brick building always looks better than me? MacCracken Hall is a better model than I am, as it's said to be the second most photographed building in Ohio. And I wish someone would talk about me the way Robert Frost talks about Miami: "the most beautiful campus that ever there was."
2. The professors care too much.
Their level of investment and interest in my personal academic success, career goals and general well-being could be seen as borderline stalkerish.
3. My walk to class isn't long enough.
If I don't have time to listen to all of my pump-up jams before I get to my 10 a.m., what am I living for? And how am I supposed to stay fit if my farthest walk is only 15 minutes? What, you want me to go to the huge Rec Center for that? Please.
4. There are too many clubs and organizations to get involved in.
With over 400 student organizations, Miami is just taunting me. How am I supposed to fit time for all of these cool clubs into my academic schedule? I can't do Greek life, Miami Ballet Corps, theater, sailing team, MU Smash, musical auditions, an a capella group and club broomball at the same time!
There's always a place for me to go and curl up with a good book or just have a quiet place to do homework. I mean, why is a library there for me more often than some people are? That's just not right.
6. The residence halls only go up three floors.
When the fire alarm goes off in the middle of the night and I don't have 10 flights of stairs to stumble down, how is that going to build my character? And I was really looking forward to the calf workout lugging my backpack full of books up to my room. Plus moving in and out took hardly any time: are you trying to separate me from my parents more quickly?
7. The student section at hockey games is too rowdy.
The school spirit is really getting in the way of me trying to watch how amazing our hockey team is.
8. I've seen the president of this school way too many times.
Whether he's saying hi to me at a guest speaker event, biking around campus or leading a spinning class/movie night with his wife, I'm starting to think he's following me.
9. The students here are intimidatingly smart.
I walk into my Spanish class and two students already speak fluent Russian too. Do you have any idea how stressful it is to be surrounded by academically driven young adults at all times? It's exhausting.
10. And they know how to have a good time. Too much of a good time.
How am I supposed to catch up on sleep when I want to go out Uptown, have a movie night with friends and go ice-skating at Goggin? How?!
11. My meal plan works at too many places.
Maple Street Station alone has BBQ, stir-fry, breakfast, sandwiches, milkshakes, salads, tacos and more. My declining balance works at a Starbucks: do you have any idea how quickly I'll blow through that? And as horrible as I am at making choices, I have six places to choose from to use my buffet meal swipes. It takes me forever to decide which hall to go to.
12. There's too much going on around campus.
Between sport games, club meetings, parties, guest speakers and entertainers, poetry readings and movie nights, it's impossible to decide where to be and when.
13. I just can't keep track of all these Miami traditions.
When your school was founded before Florida even became a state, there's a lot of history in everything around you. People expect you to know it. Rub the turtle heads for good luck, don't step on The Seal, don't let the Peabody ghost get you...there are so many traditions to remember.
14. I'll only have to spend four years here.
With its dedication to undergraduate teaching ranked #2 in the nation, I'm on track to graduate in four years, even with a double major and a minor. It will be a bittersweet goodbye. Many of the current senior class have said they wish they could be freshmen again.
So thanks a lot Miami. I'm not sure how to handle all of this, but hopefully I'll figure it out soon. I'll just have to really brace myself for these next seven semesters.