13 Phrases You Need To Stop Saying To Your Sensitive Friends

13 Phrases You Need To Stop Saying To Your Sensitive Friends

"Everything changes once we identify with being the witness to the story, instead of the actor in it." - Ram Dass
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Here's to all the sensitive people who are tired of being shut down for "caring too much." I've been told pretty much my entire life that I'm too sensitive. Anytime I express any sort of discontent or anxiety toward a situation, my family, friends, and surrounding peers do not hesitate to judge the way I react. When someone in your life is acting what you believe to be "too sensitive," offer them a hand or a shoulder instead of invalidating their feelings. Here are 13 things to stop telling the sensitive people in your life, and what you can do to help instead.

1. "You need to calm down."

If we're upset over something seems irrational to you, do not stoop to invalidating our reactions instead of offering comfort. Different experiences evoke different emotions. Simply offer us an ear or a hand, and most of all, be there for us.

2. "You're freaking out over nothing."

It's not 'nothing' just because you aren't 'freaking out.' Our emotions are strong and often take the wheel of our reactions. No matter how small the situation may turn out to be, it has obviously affected us and you shouldn't judge us for caring so much.

3. "I'm just not going to tell you anything anymore because you're way too emotional."

You know what the worse thing you can do to an already emotional person? Make them more emotional by not only invalidating their feelings but also exhibiting regret for having to deal with their sensitivity. If you are thinking of cutting back on communication, perhaps consider the sensitive person's triggers and work diligently to avoid them unless absolutely necessary.

4. "Stop being so dramatic."

Often people who are sensitive or over-sensitive are not acting dramatic to inconvenience you; they are simply so in tune with their environment and surroundings that they are adversely affected. Sensory overload is a real thing and telling a sensitive person that they're being 'dramatic' is rude. Try re-centering the person by speaking gently to them, or perhaps find a way to remove them from the stressful environment.

5. "Just stop."

If sensitive people could control their feelings and reactions toward certain things, they likely would. Sometimes we know why we react the way we do and sometimes we don't. Do not be insensitive.

6. "Why do you care so much?"

Often times, we don't know why we "care" so much, and sometimes it's not even that we "care" at all; we are just very connected to our surroundings. Anything could affect us negatively, causing an influx of emotions, that may or may not be warranted. Instead of questioning the person, be present and tangible for their sake.

7. "You worry too much."

Sensitivity to our surroundings is often something we cannot help but express. Anxiety and nervousness are common side effects to sensitivity and those are traits that are uncontrollable as well. Instead of ostracizing sensitive people, attempt to ask us if you can help in any way. Offer a distraction if possible.

8. "You're making everything way more difficult than it needs to be."

Sensitive people have a difficult time processing and handling their thoughts, moods and emotions sometimes. We "make" things difficult because our sensitivity is inconvenient and difficult. Sensitive people can become overloaded with simple tasks because they get ahead of themselves and overthink. You can appeal to the feelings of the sensitive person by offering a solution or an alternative to our problems. Believe me, as much as you're feeling inconvenienced, we're definitely the ones being troubled.

9. "It sounds like you just want attention."

First of all, wanting attention isn't a negative thing — some people need more attention when they're not getting enough, and we shouldn't judge them for it. There is no need to feel ashamed for wanting more attention. Second, sensitive people often feel the emotions of others and depending on the strength of the empathy, they may need more attention. There's nothing wrong with that.

10. "The world doesn't revolve around you."

Not saying that you should neglect your own feelings and issues to focus on the sensitive person's — if you're feeling neglected in a friendship, definitely address this. However, sensitive people often experience emotional overload often — and while they may know how to handle it — everyone needs a little help sometimes. Remember to put yourself in the other person's shoes and ask them to do the same for you.

11. "You overthink everything. Just suck it up and deal with it."

If only it were that easy. Any situation could impact a sensitive person, whether it's an apparent trigger or not. Something that seems irrelevant to you could feel like a tsunami to a sensitive person. As always, be courteous and be cooperative. Try to understand what the other person is thinking. Don't brush them off.

12. "It's all in your head."

Maybe it is, but just because you can't see what we're struggling with doesn't mean I'm not struggling. Do not erase people's feelings. When someone says they're struggling or they're hurt, you don't get to speculate and say that they aren't. Offer yourself as a positive and tangible being or remove yourself entirely. Sensitive people often have enough doors leading to easy negativity — they don't need a bridge to close and personal darkness as well.

13 . "You're way too sensitive."

If there's one thing sensitive people are, it's this: completely aware. At first, learning you are sensitive can be a trying journey, but people know their sensitivity like the back of their hands. Sensitive people are and will always be more in touch with their personal and environmental emotions than any other type of person. We know we're "overreacting" in your eyes. We know we're "inconveniencing" you. We know we're "being difficult." Despite all of this, we can't change who we are or how we feel. Sensitive people often carry the weight of the world on their shoulders or at least the weight of the emotions of the world; they don't need negative friends on top of that weight.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels / Riccardo Bresciani

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An Open Letter to the Best Friend I Didn't See Coming

Some people come into your life and change you forever—thanks, bestie.
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Dear best friend,

I wasn't expecting you when God placed you in my life. I had my friends. I had my people. I wasn't exactly open to the idea of new meaningful friendships because I had the ones I needed, and it didn't seem like I really needed anybody new.

Thank God that was false. Sometimes you meet people and you just know that you're going to be good friends with. Sometimes you meet people and you realize that there is no such thing as chance. I think God has a funny way of making it seem as if the things that happen to us are by chance, but honestly, that’s a load of crap. If the biggest moments of our lives were left up to chance, then I believe that would make God out to seem as if he didn’t care. It would make it seem as if He was truly abandoning me and making me face some of my most important seasons fully isolated. But you, best friend, are a true testament to the fact that God doesn’t just leave such important aspects up to chance. Thank you for taking a chance on our friendship, and thank you for allowing me to take a chance on what I didn’t realize would be the most impactful friendship in my entire life.

Thank you for being real with me. Thank you for not sugar coating things. Thank you for telling me when I have a bad attitude. Thank you for loving me through my mistakes. Thank you for supporting me in my decisions, even if it isn’t always the decision you would make. Thank you for wanting the best for me, and for making that your true intent behind the words that you say to me, whether they be constructive criticism or encouragement.

Thank you for being a goof with me. Thank you for putting me first. Thank you for seeing the importance of our friendship. Thank you for making time in your schedule for us to just sit and do homework, eat Mexican food, or sit on the porch and listen to music that emotionally wrecks you.

You’re one of a kind. You’re a shoulder to lean on. You’re a safe place. You’re a free spirit. You’re rough and tough, but your heart melts for the people you love and it’s obvious. You’re more than meets the eye. You are worth getting to know. You are worth loving. You pursue people. You are passionate about your future. You are everything that a person needs, and I really thank God that for some reason you continue to choose to be in my life. Thank you for literally dragging me up my mountains of fear when I want to stay exactly where I am at and wallow in the sadness. You bring joy—true joy—wherever you go. You are my best friend, confidant, and biggest fan. You will be the Maid of Honor, Godmother, and fun Aunt.

I used to think lifelong friendships weren’t really a thing. It just seemed like people always grew apart and forever was never a point that was attainable. Best friends forever is a cliché phrase that is continuously overused nowadays (sometimes, I even used to make light of it), but thanks for making that a reality. You are truly the best friend I could have asked for. So thank you for it all. You make life more fun, and I couldn’t thank God more for making an incredible human, friends with me.

I love you, pal!

JQ

Cover Image Credit: Julia Dee Qualls

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Being No One's First Option To Hang Is Chill Because I Am My First Option

You are not the 1st person someone calls to hang out. You may be on the call list, but you're not number one. But that can be oK

Kate
Kate
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No one calls me first. I sometimes think about how it would feel for someone to think, "I really want to go here...Let me call Kate!" I mean, it could be happening and I just don't read minds properly. But, I pick up on energy and vibes even over the phone sometimes, and I know it doesn't happen.

Sometimes, when people ask me to do something, I wonder how many people said "No" before they got to me.

Sadly, this thought is normal in the world that we live in today. Most people don't care about strong interpersonal relationships. They care more about their image and what others think about them.

It is so disappointing the number of people who consider themselves "friends" with someone if that someone provides something for them. This can be either something tangible or something that makes them feel higher on their personal social ladder or ego.

I have literally made a cycle that I am 95% sure occurs once someone asks me to hang out:

1. Usually, they start with their boyfriend.

He says no...most men don't want to go shopping or be your personal photographer.

2. In comes Mrs. Popularity

Who makes them feel super duper awesome that they hung out with this person.

3. Then, they ask the person who they can receive the most out of

The one who will most likely drive...or the one who might pay for their meal.

4. Oh hey! Then there's me

The not-so-exciting one yet will totally have a great time with.

Usually, this would absolutely tear me up. I would feel worthless, less than, and question what was wrong with me. But I have grown to realize that this is not a reflection of me. This is a reflection of the other person and how disorganized their brain is.

Be your own first option. When making plans, think to yourself first. "Do I have to invite someone or can this be done by myself?" Start making sure that you are good and everything you need to get done first, is done.

Who cares if no one makes you their first choice, because you have YOU!

(DUH)

Cover Image Credit:

Kate Moore

Kate
Kate

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