As a third year college student who's lived on campus all three years, I've had my fair share of trials and tribulations living in the dorms. Don't get me wrong, sometimes dorm life is great: you're right on campus so it's convenient, depending on your financial situation it can be cheaper than renting an apartment, and if you're an upperclassman, you can get a single room. However, there are some major downsides to living in the dorms.
1. CEASELESS NOISE
Somebody overslept their alarm for their 8am, or somebody bumped the “requesting rescue assistance” button in the stairwell, or somebody microwaved their cup of noodles and set off the fire alarm, or somebody’s blasting country music in the bathroom, or somebody held open the door too long and sounded the emergency alert, or some freshman girl in the lobby is loudly arguing with her long-distance boyfriend via speakerphone, or ….
2. There’s no such thing as true privacy.
If you live in a double, your space is constantly being invaded by another person. Even if you’re BFFs, that can get exhausting and uncomfortable. If you’re lucky enough to live in a single (I thank my stars every day), there’s still the issue of sharing the communal bathrooms and the fact that if Becky three doors down burnt her midnight study popcorn, you’re going to be able to smell it.
3. You’re required to buy a meal plan.
I have long since stopped eating at the cafeteria because one) the food kinda sucks and two) their hours don’t generally line up with my schedule. I usually try to buy “groceries” at the campus store to use up my meal plan money because I’ve already paid for it and don’t want to waste it and then supplement that with groceries from the actual grocery store. But how nice would it be if I could take that $3000 budget and use it all on food I actually liked/wanted/needed?
4. Communal Bathrooms
Really, need I say more?
5. Laundry
One of my very first Odyssey articles was, in fact, a simple listicle about how to behave in the dorm laundry room. Apparently not enough of my peers have read it, because doing laundry in my dorm continues to be the bane of my existence. Why is it so hard to respect people’s personal property and clean out the dryer lint filter when you’re done?
6. The twin bed
I understand that there just isn’t enough space in a 16’x10’ dorm room for a king sized bed, but man I’m always incredibly happy to go home and sprawl out in my nice big bed at home.
7. The Wi-Fi
At best, the internet connection is okay; at worst, I can barely get my email to load. Not to mention that sometimes it disconnects randomly and that my phone only stays connected to the wifi if it’s unlocked. I know this is a true ~first world problem~ but damn I’m paying how many dollars a year for this?
8. Climbing the stairs
I’m trying to be ~healthy~ this semester and even if my only exercise in a day is climbing up the five flights of stairs to get to my room, let me tell ya, it’s a good workout. By the time I’m to the top, I’m ready to collapse. The other awk thing about climbing the stairs is that you’re bound to run into people, because apparently stairwells are great places for conversations.
9. Alternatively, riding the elevator.
There are few things more universally uncomfortable than the awkward elevator ride; not to mention the fact that the elevator in my dorm is the slowest elevator to exist in the 21st century. I get the added bonus of prolonged awkwardness. It’s great.
10. Having to pay the surcharge when you lock yourself out.
Whether you’re a freshman or old and experienced (like me), you’re bound to accidentally lock yourself out of your room eventually. The best part of this even is - no, not the embarrassment or the walk of shame to your desk in a towel - but the fact that you have to pay $10 for the courtesy of borrowing a temp key for 5 minutes to let yourself back into your room. Just another of the many ways UM milks us for all we’re worth.
11. Your room will never be a comfortable temperature.
In the summer you’ll be drowning in your own sweat and in the winter your hair will freeze. There’s no happy medium. Dorms were not build to facilitate homeostasis.
12. Command strips are #FakeNews.
The multiple layers of off-white paint that coat your dorm walls will inevitably flake off when you remove your command hooks at the end of the year. The packaging might say command strips are damage free, but just know this is some false advertising.
13. Being kitchen-less.
For me, this is personally the worst part of dorm life. I love to cook and bake and I miss being in a full-sized kitchen. Sure, I have a microwave and a mini-fridge, but that’s just not the same.
Someday I will have my own bathroom and a kitchen and a washer and dryer that I won’t have to sword fight for, but today just isn't that day. What’s your least favorite part/worst memory of dorm life?
