Content warning: This article contains descriptions of rape/sexual assault.

"It's weird, because no matter what I do...you're still on top of me, and I still can't breathe." - Jessica Davis (Alisha Boe)

Since its release in 2017, "13 Reasons Why" has made headlines for the graphic scenes and the glamorization of suicide. This show brings to light many controversial topics like school shootings, suicide, drug addiction, and rape. While the Netflix show has gotten a bad reputation, I have grown very fond of "13 Reasons Why," and I think that it deserves more praise because it has helped sexual assault survivors, like me.

Like other viewers, I grew to hate Bryce Walker (Justin Prentice) throughout season one as I watched him assault Hannah Baker (Katherine Langford) and Jessica Davis. During the second season, I felt the utter shock as I watched Tyler Downs (Devin Druid) get brutally attacked with a mop. While it was hard to watch, I found the sexual assault storylines very valuable.

I was sexually assaulted by a friend, and I remember feeling very confused about how to define it since I never forcefully told him no, just like Hannah.

Luckily, unlike Hannah, I was able to make it out of this dark experience alive.

Season three of "13 Reasons Why" was released on the two-year anniversary of my sexual assault. Understandably, after its release, I spent a good amount of time binge-watching the show. The show picked up where it left off at the end of season two. As a way to cope with his assault, Tyler shows up to the Spring Fling armed, but he is talked down by Clay Jensen (Dylan Minnette). The main storyline that drives season three begins, and we learn that Bryce has gone missing. After he is found dead, we learn through flashbacks that he is killed by Alex Standall (Miles Heizer).

Both Tyler and Jessica's storyline stood out to me the most. Jessica had a very empowering storyline this season because she started regaining some of the confidence taken from her. She became the new student body president and created a club for survivors and allies of sexual assault. She stood up against the toxic rape culture within her school and worked hard to make her voice heard. On the other hand, Tyler had a very emotional storyline. Most of the season, he was suffering and trying to recover from his rape.

In my opinion, the most powerful scene of the third season was Tyler opening up to Clay and Jessica about his rape. I feel like it perfectly captures the rawness and vulnerability that you feel when you talk about something that heavy. You also can see the weight get lifted off of Tyler when he finally opens up, which can be hard to do, but worth it. Another important scene in season three was the assembly that Jessica spoke at. Instead of apologizing for the protest against sexual assault at the football game, she shined a light on how important the issue of sexual assault is by having victims stand together.

Seeing the survivors come together makes that feeling of loneliness go away and also helps bring awareness to the issue, especially since we are still going through the #MeToo era.

Before his death, Bryce worked hard to try to redeem himself. He helped Tyler with his rapist, he visibly felt remorse as he listened to Hannah's tape, he helped Tony through his family's deportation, and he made a tape for Jessica asking for forgiveness and wishing her the best. Throughout the season, I found myself starting to sympathize with Bryce as we get to see more of a backstory. This was really confusing because he's raped so many girls, so did he really deserve a second chance?

After watching season three, I started to wonder if I could ever forgive my rapist and also myself. He took a lot from me: my reputation, my ability to trust, my mental health, and the list goes on. But, I feel like the hardships that he put me through made me stronger, and I wouldn't be who I am without the experience. I also feel like forgiving myself for what happened is difficult, but very necessary. Sometimes, I still feel the shame and the guilt because of those thoughts of "what if I did this?" or "I shouldn't have done that" pop into my mind.

Throughout the series, it made me feel better watching Jessica come to terms with her trauma and forgive herself for what happened. I think that forgiveness is hard and it takes time. The process is not easy for anyone. While I may someday forgive the guy who sexually assaulted me, I will never be able to forget what he did.