As an incoming freshman, all you could ever look forward to during your spring semester at Cornell was Slope Day. And now, you’re in Olin, Uris, or (god forbid) Carpenter procrastinating studying for your exams by reading an article that attempts to remind you what truly went down on the day you have most likely forgotten about (for multiple reasons, I’ll leave that one up to you to interpret). So, here is me trying to update you on what you were probably thinking this past Thursday.
1. Why all the tank tops?
Sororities, fraternities, a cappella groups, sports teams, Model UN, debate team, underwater basket weaving; they all have some sort of shirt to wear for the big day. Everyone is a walking advertisement for whatever organization they are part of. We’re at Cornell after all, so we have to show our on campus involvement even when raging. Maybe this will be the way to get a few more LinkedIn connections?
2. Fanny packs. Fanny packs everywhere.
Oh, I’m sorry I forgot to mention that being a walking advertisement for whatever organization you are in also entails sporting a good ole fanny pack. They would look more ridiculous but since everyone has one, it’s just a normal thing. Needless to say, Slope Day fashion is iconic and deserves its own Vogue (or should I say Thread?) spread.
3. Darty or Slope?
Is the opening act worth it or should we just darty hop? I mean, you barely know any of the songs by the main acts so might as well go to another frat while you can instead, right?
4. I'm going to pass out.
You’ve heard the EMS horror stories and you will not let Slope Day bring you down. It was “ithacating” all week leading up to this day so even if the high is 80 degrees, it can’t be that bad, right? Wrong. Thousands of sweaty people in one giant clump along with high temperatures makes for a very dehydrated you.
5. "Shut Up and Dance With Me" is the only song I know, though.
You never really did your homework and listened to all of the songs by Cash Cash and Walk the Moon, so you only know a few of the songs they’re going to be playing today. All of the energy around you will make you excited regardless, and you’re still going to have an amazing time.
6. Where did my squad go?
So, you made the mistake of trying to navigate and tame the mess that is the mosh pit. You finally found a solid spot with a great view of Cash Cash and may even make it on the big screen. But, then you look around. Who are these people? Great...you’re surrounded by a whole frat that you’re not even in. You got pushed around and now instead of screaming with your best friends, you’re squeezing past a group of rowdy, sweaty strangers in an effort to be reunited with your squad again.
7. Oh look, I'm on the big screen! Hi mom!
Your hands are in the air, you’re screaming the lyrics of the only song you know at the top of your lungs, and you’re basically just doing you. Then your friend taps you on the shoulder and points you guys out on the big screen. OMG it’s actually you. All of Cornell can see you, so this is your time to shine. Look happy and cute, blow a kiss, wave to your crush and hope they see you and fall in love. I don’t know because this never actually happened to me but you’re basically famous, right?
8. I want food.
You spent all this time worrying about water that your forgot how #hangry you would get. You wait in a really long line for meal tickets just to realize that the food they’re serving is the stir fry from Okenshields, but it tastes ten times better today.
9. Where did my squad go (part 2...thousand)?
It happened again. And again. And now you’re actually friends with some of these strangers too. Friends who Slope Day together, stay together.
10. I hope no one steps on me.
You realize the mosh pit is no longer worth it. All you want to do is find a nice, shady spot under a tree and #ptfo. So you and your friends go looking for a prime spot on the slope and that’s when you realize that sleeping on the slope is kind of scary. Someone might step on you, spill food on you, or you might even roll down the hill. Of course none of those things actually happen, but you’re kind of in a daze at this point.
11. A nap would hit the spot right now.
So the time has come to join the migration back to North. You find yourself at what is practically Slope Day part 2 / a pregame for your upcoming nap when you make a pit stop at Louie’s. But, the feeling of finally making it back to your room and hopping into bed is one of the best feelings in the world. You fall asleep immediately and wake up many hours later, ready to #rally and find the party Walk the Moon is at.
12. Damn that was fun, let's do it again!
So the countdown begins. #slopeday2k17 is only a year away, start hydrating now!
