12 Things You Learn From Being An Out-Of-State Patriots Fan
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12 Things You Learn From Being An Out-Of-State Patriots Fan

"Dorothy you're not in [Mass] anymore." And everyone who hates Tom Brady is just the evil witch of the west. "I'll get you my pretty, and your little rings too!" But Tommy B. just clicks his four rings together because there's no place like winning.

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12 Things You Learn From Being An Out-Of-State Patriots Fan
Caroline Smart

For the first two years of college before transferring, I was surrounded by my own. We could drop the "r" whenevaand wherevawe wanted, or slip "wicked" into a sentence without any question. We could disturb the peace if a Boston sports game was on and even start a campus wide riot if we wanted to. (i.e UMass)

Everyone knew that the goat wasn't an ordinary farm animal, but was the Greatest Of All Time, Mr. Tom Brady. And everyone mutually hated two things: 1. New York 2. Roger Goodell.

How young and naïve I was to think that everyone thought this way. I sadly hit reality during the AFC championship game between the Pats and the Broncos. For the first time in my life I was surrounded by people rooting against Tom Brady and the Patriots. It was blasphemy, and I didn’t know how to take it all in. I think I went through the first three of stages of grief and loss:

1. Disbelief

2. Denial

3. Anger

And from that moment my internal monologue said, "Dorothy you're not in [Mass] anymore." And everyone who hates Tom Brady is just the evil witch of the west, "I'll get you my pretty, and your little rings too!" But Tommy B. just clicks his four rings together because there's no place like winning.

Being away at an out-of-state school made me realize a couple things about being a Patriots fan:

1. Everyone is just jealous

How you gon' hate from outside of the club, when you can't even get in? Tom Brady and Belichick are subsequent to Jesus and God. And Deflategate is a hoax because Goodell was bored with his life and suffers from an inferiority complex.

2. There are people who think “Do your job” means go to work

3. People who aren’t from Mass think Boston sports fans are crazy

I've been told we come up with irrational reasoning as to why other teams are so much worse than ours. But we have years of scientific and psychological research to back our (rational) arguments. (See above)

4. They think we are irrational

Let me just say this: Where’s the hype and national outrage over Peyton Manning’s HGH usage? No one is making up a crafty scandal nickname for him like “Deflategate” and shaming him as a cheater (except us Pats fans of course). I mean really, Goodell shouldn't punish the NFL’s top advertising representative right? He’d rather go after the top quarterback (of all time) instead. It’s him who’s crazy and irrational. Shout out to Papa John's and Budweiser though.

5. They also think we're arrogant

We’re arrogant because our teams aren’t. We stick to a strict “spike the ball” celebration only. We don’t have to nae nae in the end zone because that’s a reoccurring theme every game. It’s like when a bad team finally scores one goal in an 11-0 game, they act like they’ve just landed on the moon.

So yeah maybe we’re arrogant, but hey, it comes with the territory, and we have the evidence for it (unlike the Wells Report and Goodell.) We know that when you’re in a position of success, you’re bound to be equally loved and hated, or else you wouldn’t be doing it right.

6. They also think we're excessive

When the Pats win it’s a celebration, but at the same time it’s almost a given... When they lose, Pats fans grieve like our dog of 13 years tragically died while rescuing Mother Teresa from a herd of elephants. So obviously we skip school or work that Monday because we need time to mourn our unexpected tragedy.

7. But they also know we’re not fair-weather fans…

We’re loyal and superficial and we won’t let you forget it. We come back every season awaiting the potential behind the dynasty.

8. People think “Defend the Wall” means supporting Trump’s wall along the border

9. Finding another Boston sports fan outside of Mass is like finding your birth mom that you never knew existed

Which also could be compared to making those best friends in the bathroom every drunk night out.

10. You work as the team’s part-time defense attorney whenever Deflategate is brought up

You thought you were only majoring in business management?! No, no, no, you’re a double major in criminal justice as well. You start off with the cliché “I object” and then try and educate these anti-Tom delinquents in the dynasty and supremacy that is Tom Brady. Then you bring in the dancing lobsters.

11. Peyton Manning is still inferior

12. And ugly

13. But we're not.

But you didn’t have to go to school out of state to know those.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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