Everyone in their life will or has lost a special someone, and it has turned their world upside down. Those who have lost someone now know how other people feel when they have had a loss. Here is the 12 things that we would like to share with the ones who have just lost.
One: We Are Here
If you need someone to talk to that has had a loss of a family member, close or far, we are here to listen. Not everyone understands, and every situation is different and we all grieve different, but we can listen and relate.
Two: You Are Not Alone
Even though you may feel like the world is crashing down around you and nothing and no one can make it better, lean on family. They are grieving just like you are, and there is no one better to lean on than the person experiencing the same loss you are.
Three: Gifts Of Food
I know that everyone brings you food, that's for two reasons. One, you need to eat and they want to make sure of that, and two, it's usually comfort food. Comfort food and eating at a time like this hard, but don't let that amazing meal go to waste, take care of yourself too. Plus you get like a two week supply, that means no cooking for two weeks!
Four: The Funeral Songs
We all know the stereotypical funeral songs and how they all go, we also know that they can end up being played in church on a normal Sunday. It's okay to leave the congregation, it's okay to take a step outside to breathe, we understand that song has a connection with you. It will probably always have a connection with you, and make you cry harder when you hear it at other funerals.
Five: Funeral Food
If you were in the situation I was in when there were 3 funerals all within a couple months to a year, funeral hot dish gets old. Choose something like sandwiches or your favorite easy food, anyone making the food will listen to your request.
Six: Your Alone Time
Everyone needs time to collect, and reflect on everything that is happening and going on, so don't be afraid to say that you need a moment by yourself. I know with tons of people around and everyone crying and talking about death is overwhelming and you just wanna scream. Just get up and go for a walk through the park or down the road, cry it out or if your angry, which is apart of the grieving stage, lash it out while walking. It really does help.
Seven: Being Strong
I know how it is when someone in the family has died, you want to be strong for each other. Remember that you're grieving too and that you do not have to be the strong one 24/7. I know how hard it is to see grandma cry over the love of her life, It is truly heart-wrenching. In that moment you feel awful and want to cry, but also in that moment, it's your turn to be strong. Be that shoulder grandma can lean on, just don't forget that someone will offer you their shoulder if you need.
Eight: The Wake or Prayer Service
If you have an open casket funeral this is the first day and time most of your family gets to see the loved one. It's hard. You will cry at the stories that get told, while some will make you laugh because that is exactly how you remembered that person. This service is not a mournful one, this one is to celebrate the loved one and their life, so while the stories are being told, remember to smile through those tears, your loved one will want you too.
Nine: "The Day"
It's the day of the funeral and everyone is running around the house in their nice, black, clothes trying to make sure everything is in order. Once out the door and into the church it gets more real. This is the last goodbye, this is the day those songs stick to something you won't forget, this is the day you all sit together in black and as a family see your loved one for the last time. This day is a mixed emotions kind of day, You feel like you have no tears at this point, but when those songs hit, watch out because the flood gates open. Remember as you sit through the service of songs and readings that you make sure you're happy with their life, that your happy to have been apart of it. Remember this day isn't easy for anyone.
Ten: The Burial
This is gut-wrenching for more than one reason. First because, this is the realest moment and two because, you will never see them in their own skin again. As you watch the casket while the last few readings are said before you go put the flowers on, just stare at the casket. Give it a chunk of time to sink into your memory, because it will be the last thing you will remember of them on that day. While bringing the flower up to the casket, say a little prayer between yourself and your loved one. That is what the flower will bring to the grave with it. As most family members want to wait to make sure the casket goes down well into the whole, I would suggest not doing that. These workers are professionals, they won't smash it in there.
Eleven: Post Funeral
It may take a couple weeks, months, or years for it to really hit you. It took my 5 years for the loss of my dad to hit me hard one day, so don't expect for it to hit you when it happens and then after the funeral it'll be fine. It's true that it gets easier, but that takes your strength and some time to reach a comfortable point. Don't rush it and don't repulse it when it happens to you. I know I was mad when it hit me, I was almost to school and I broke down in the car. I was really mad because it was five years ago, why would it hit me now? When that happened I learned why we have put a gravestone down, not for them but for us. I went and talked to him for hours and cried while talking. It was the most comforting thing I have ever done. My point is, when that hard day hits, it's okay, you can take a day to check out of life and miss them. Just don't forget to pick yourself up the next day.
Twelve: It's Okay To Cry
This is the toughest thing to learn, especially for someone like me who was so strong through it all. My grandma actually was the one to tell me this, and she is the strongest person I have ever known. Do not feel ashamed to cry when a memory pops into your head, just excuse yourself to recompose and go back. No one will judge you, and if they do, SHAME ON THEM. No one can tell you how to feel, so when you're feeling the need to cry, cry. It's the best form of grieving I think because, it's a way of showing people that you can't put into words what you're feeling. Some people totally get that and they are the best people to turn to, while others don't and you just have to ignore their ignorance.
After all we will all experience losses in our lives, and it's never easy for anyone. With people who understand by your side and others offering what they can to help, you manage to get by. I just want to remind you, just because someone else's life came to an end, doesn't mean yours didn't. Keep on, keeping on because, we all know that's what they would have wanted us to do.
