I love being Taiwanese, Russian, and Persian. However, being mixed race can be challenging at times.

One of the things I find the hardest to accept is that I don’t feel a strong sense of community with any of the racial groups with which I identify. My Taiwanese family members single me out by expressing their surprise that I can still speak Chinese competently. When I go to Chinese restaurants, my mom is treated like a member of the restaurant’s family, while my dad and I receive forks and an English menu.

While being pushed to the outskirts of the Asian community prevents me from feeling truly Taiwanese, comments and questions I receive about my race keep me from identifying as white. I personally don’t usually get offended when I hear questions or comments like these, but I have many mixed friends who would be. Aside from coming off as rude, speaking like this to mixed race individuals can also make you seem extremely socially ignorant. So here is a list of things you should probably steer clear of saying to anyone of mixed or otherwise ambiguous race:

1. “You Look Exotic.”

I’m an actress, and while being ethnically ambiguous has allowed me to apply for a much wider range of acting roles, it also subjects me to blatant “othering.” When people refer to my look as “exotic,” it’s almost as if they’re acknowledging my appearance as different, in a way that is visually acceptable to an otherwise white world of television.

2. “What are you?”

I’ve been asked this question almost every week since the first grade. Whether or not we chose to accept it, race is a key component to the opportunities and experiences one receives in this country. Kids in my high school self-segregated by race. I’ve been both the token minority and the “whitest one in the group.” However, asking this question equates one’s identity with his or her race, which is not only racist, but also completely inaccurate.

3. “Where are you from?”

I’m from San Francisco.

“No, where are you really from? Like, where are your parents from?”

4. “You don’t look like either of your parents.”

I know I don’t look like either of my parents. When it comes to my race, people have guessed virtually everything except what I actually am. Telling me that I don’t look homogeneously Taiwanese or Caucasian is not only weird, but also completely pointless.

5. “Are you adopted?”

Again, I know I don’t look like my parents. Even if I were adopted, this question draws unnecessary stigma to something that may be sensitive to some.

6. “What languages do you speak?”

Many people expect me to speak Spanish. Just like they have no right to assume the languages I speak based on my appearance, they also have no right to express shock or disbelief when I reveal that I’m fluent in Mandarin.

7. “I would never guess you are [insert ethnicity]! You don’t act like it.”

Really? What do people of this ethnicity act like? Please tell me what other racial stereotypes I don’t fit.

8. “Mixed race people are the future.”

People who say this completely neglect the fact that racial mixing originally occurred in our country as a direct product of American colonialism and subjugation of other racial groups. Racial interbreeding will not end racism. Race is one of the building blocks of our country and only a complete decolonization can end its prevalence.

9. “Mixed race people are so beautiful.”

Calling me beautiful is a compliment. Calling me beautiful because of my race is dehumanizing and commodifying.

10. “Are you [insert ethnicity]?”

See #2.

11. “Mixed race people have the best skin/hair/eyes.”

Don’t tell a mixed girl she’s lucky to have the light eyes and soft hair of her white parent and the tanned skin and “exotic” features of her POC parent. You may not say it in so many words but the intention and connotation is the same.

12. “Can I touch your hair?”

Well, since you asked…