1) Penny Farthing - Coolest Form of Transportation
Anyone can wear a tank top at the gym. Amp up your style by bringing your tanks to the streets. People love seeing armpit hair and biceps in public. Tell the world, "I'm a man, and I wear sweet tanks."
3) Vaping
If someone asks you if you have a light, you will sound so cool if you confidently say, "Nah bro, I vape," whereupon you blow a cloud of smoke in their face. They will be like, "Wow! That smells so good!"
Look at this photograph of Harambe. Yeah he looks pretty fly, but not many people knew he smoked. Didn't anyone tell him that he could get lung cancer? He would have been cooler if he vaped.
4) Portable Vinyl Record Player
"MP3's? Ugh," local cool guy said. "I need to hear everything crystal clear or else I just can't have a good musical experience," the distraught 34 year old male said after sipping his triple IPA, which seemed to calm him down. "Do you know how many things I've heard in the new Radiohead album I've only heard on vinyl? I swear to you, if you listen closely, you can hear Thom's phone go off in Burn the Witch."
5) Joy Division
Okay, so you need to write a paper for class on Wednesday, but you also simultaneously want to show everyone you are a cool guy writer. You may be thinking, "Well, my teacher will only accepts a paper submitted in MLA format, so I'll have to type it up again on my MAC at home." Trust me, it's totally worth it. The satisfaction of having people smile when they see you typing away because they know you are an up and coming novelist is an amazing feeling.
7) Yoga Pics
Set your drishti over here and check out how cool I am! Show how much you are improving your mindfulness by posting a plethora of staged yoga pictures.
8) Pitchfork.com
This is the only music website you need to know. We get it, you're way too busy to actually listen to the new Frank Ocean album. Well, you don't have to! Pitchfork makes it really easy by telling you all of your favorite albums with their ten point rating scale and best new album list!
9) RSVP'ing to Concerts on Facebook
Tell your friends your going to the Dinosaur Jr. show. You don't actually have to go, but the more concerts you RSVP to, the cooler your friends think you are. They'll be like, "Wow, that guy has great music taste."
10) Concert Etiquette
The rare moments that you can find time to go to your favorite bands, show all the concert goers around you how anti-establishment you are by folding your arms and nodding. When the band tells you to jump, just say, "heck no!"
11) All Lives Matter Shirt
Show everyone you are openly criticizing Black Lives Matter while eating a cheeseburger and justify it with, "Well, not ALL lives matter. The shirt doesn't need an asterisk, bro."
