If you are fortunate enough to have a Costco membership, you, my friend, are already way cooler than me. If you go to Sam's Club, you should probably just stop reading now. Just kidding. But not really.
Costco is my one true love. I still make an excuse to fly home every couple of months just to make a visit to Costcto with my parents' coveted Costco membership card. That card is so much more than a card, it's my all-access pass to everything that makes America so great. In this case, it would be the unlimited samples and the $1.99 pizza. We can all agree that the pizza needs to be matted dry of all of the grease, but after the grease is gone, it's just you and your slice of pizza. There's no stopping you from enjoying that little slice of Costco heaven.
Let met tell you the things that make Costco so great.
1. You walk into Costco feelin' fly as you throw up your membership card, and you get that nod from the Costco employee that makes you feel cooler than Channing Tatum when he flips open his cell phone in "She's The Man."
2. Two words: Endless. Possibilities. Want an iPad? No problem. Costco has like 7,000 of them. Want a TV bigger than your living room and kitchen combined? Don't fret, because Costco has those too. Oh yeah, need enough snacks to help you survive the apocalypse (if you're into that sort of thing)? Have no fear, Costco's going to have it all.
3. Did you know you could buy a rain jacket for $19.99? Yeah, well, my dad discovered that recently, and it kind of made him feel like his whole life has been a lie. Never again will he buy a rain jacket from anywhere but Costco.
4. Your eyesight feeling a little fuzzy? Costco conveniently doubles as an optometrist. It can be said that Costco is "too legit to quit."
5. SAMPLES. So many samples. But then they ask you if your mom said it was okay if you eat a sample, and that's where your ego is wounded a bit. Usually I'm like, "Hi, I'm 21, and my mom is currently somewhere else because she thinks it's funny to run away from me in the grocery store."
But once you get past that obstacle, the samples are all yours. If you're looking for a free meal, the samples will be sure to fill you up.
6. The assortment of socks that Costco has might seem a bit unnecessary, but I'm not complaining. After all that's where my mom bough the majority of my socks throughout my childhood years. They have white socks, athletic socks, socks with grips on them, neon socks, fuzzy socks, toe socks, I mean the list goes on. SOCKS GALORE.
7. Costco does this thing where they think it's fun to sell really large oversized bears, and those bears get you really excited for life, because you're like, "Yes, I don't need a boyfriend now." And then you realize that the one thing that can solve all of your problems is $189. Cheers to Costco though for temporarily fulfilling all of my plush needs.
8. Large bottles of vitamins can be found here. You're probably wondering why this is so life changing. Well, ever wanted to be healthier than a horse? Costco can make that happen by selling you four years worth of vitamins in one bottle. My bottle from last year is still going strong. Kudos to vitamins and being healthy.
9. The DVD section. Call me lame, but this was my favorite part of the Costco trip. You know the part where you would beg your mom to buy the most recent DVD release, like "The Lizzie McGuire Movie" in 2004? Those were the good days, am I right?
10. Let's talk about the glorious food court for a sec. That food court supplies you with the necessities of life. And by necessities, I mean a churro, a soda, and a giant piece of pizza. You can conquer anything life throws at you with those items. The best part, you ask? It's all under $5.
(Also let's just talk about the fact that someone has dedicated a whole blog to Costco pizza. #priorities.)
11. "Adventure is out there." There's a pretty good chance you'll find that adventure at Costco. You never know just what you'll stumble upon. Maybe you'll find a life-size bear, or maybe you'll end up buying 15 dozen eggs. You truly never know.
(Okay, a little dramatic, but you know what I mean.) You can satisfy any need you could ever have at Costco by purchasing all things in surplus. Whether you want 400 gel pens, $19 jeans, or just a few hundred free samples. Costco has got it all.
Let's not forget the moment when they check your receipt, and you feel like a good samaritan for not stealing anything.
Long live Costco. And here's to hoping I can afford my own membership card one day.
