Life as an English major has many ups and downs. Job opportunities are often scarce and students of other majors won't take you seriously. All hope is not lost, however. The English major does have its merits. I can tell the difference between there, their, and they’re. Not to mention, seeing a correctly placed comma is similar to Christmas morning. Below are many common thoughts that those in the English Department experience.
1. For the last time, my favorite author is not Shakespeare.
I'm not saying he wasn't a brilliant playwright, but boy, do I hate iambic pentameter.
2. I am not going to teach. Stop asking me that.
We do have other options, people. They may be few, but there are options.
3. "Grey's," or the new Stephen King?
The struggle is real.
4. Sure, I'll proofread your paper.
Am I being used for my grammar skills? Can I even call these people my friends?
5. 10-page paper due at noon tomorrow? No problem.
Block quotes are life savers. Never forget.
6. This library is heaven.
Finally, a place where people appreciate the written word.
7. What do you mean I've already taken every available class?
Are you sure I can't take any more? You mean, I have to figure out what I'm going to do with my life by the end of the semester? Help me, Jesus.
8. Yeah, my senior seminar was about zombies. Be jealous.
Zombies and Cyborgs in literature. Yes, it was a real class. Who wouldn't be jealous of academic discussions about sci-fi?
9. But the book really was better.
RIP "Percy Jackson" film franchise. You had real potential.
10. Yes, I'm working on a novel. No, you can't read it.
It's missing an ending and beginning. The middle is lacking a bit, too. Actually, forget I even mentioned it.
11. Well, I guess being homeless doesn't sound too bad.
A refrigerator box would make a nice bedroom. But where will I keep my books?
