11 Thoughts Of A Bachelorette Newbie

Never have I ever watched "The Bachelor" or "The Bachelorette"—until, that is, about three weeks ago. My Mom—yes, Mom—turned it on because the Phillies were not playing that night, and apparently nothing better was on. Now, fast forward to the season finale a few nights ago. I am positioned on my couch minutes before JoJo chooses the man she will (most likely not) spend the rest of her life with. As my anticipation builds, so does my embarrassment. I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the television as another commercial break is strategically placed to increase my suspense, as well as my irritation, and realize that I need to get a grip. Here were some of my concerns watching "The Bachelorette."

1. Why did none of the bachelors have jobs?

Seriously, very few of the eligible men chosen for JoJo's hunger games had jobs. Maybe they thought putting "Canadian" or "Former Competitive Swimmer" sounded more impressive, but I think I would have rather known the income...I mean profession...of each of the men I may end up divorcing.

2. Is there an onset Barber?

All the final bachelors had almost identical haircuts. I don't know if this was per request from JoJo, or what, but I do not understand the fab haircut. Well, maybe I do.

3. Who is the florist for this show?

Do they only do roses or is that just their specialty?

4. This is a lot of crying for one evening.

Tears everywhere.

5. Why did she get rid of Chase? I liked Chase.

Yes, I had a favorite, and he was one of the few with a big boy job, too.

6. What is it like being fawned over by a sea of men?

I can't imagine that being any fun...well, maybe I could.

7. It is not socially acceptable to ask permission to marry someone's daughter over the phone.

The producers really dropped the ball on that one.

8. Why do people volunteer for this?

You are signing up to be dumped.

9. Guys are ridiculously dramatic.

Zero chill with these bachelors.

10. l need to hop on Chad's confidence level.

11. This is a serious thing I just watched.

I will never get the time I invested in this show back.

Congrats to the new happy couple. Maybe next season I will watch from the first episode. Or do something else, like anything else.

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