I remember being about seven years old, and my mom telling me this really funny joke. She came up to me and yelled “Your epidermis is showing!” Of course, I freaked out because I didn’t what the hell an epidermis was and why mine was showing, and I was certain I was going to have to go to the hospital. But then my mom explained to me that it was the fancy medical term for skin, and I died of laughter. So the next day at school, I told all my friends that very joke; none of them understood and probably thought I was really weird, but I didn’t care because I knew my mom would laugh with me every time.
And while we’re on that note, my mom is absolutely amazing. She raised an intelligent and fantastic daughter (wink wink), but there is something else that sets her apart from all the other mothers out there: she is a kick-ass nurse. Somehow, she can stand on her feet for over 12 hours a day and come home to my whiny self without losing her head. On top of that, she did all the other mom stuff like cleaning and going to recitals and school programs and taking care of my wounds (remember all those splinters, Mom? Sorry about that). Having a nurse as a mom was quite the experience growing up, and I know I’m not the only one who has undergone this journey. So here are 11 things that happen when your mom is a nurse.
1. She has seen the worst of what can happen to the human body, so she takes all precautions.
I’ve had just about all the vaccinations and shots you can imagine: hepatitis, tetanus, polio, measles, mumps, rubella, even herpes. There were not enough lollipops in the world to make up for all those needles. But after so many shots, my fear of needles subsided and getting prodded was nothing. I guess that happens when you exit the womb of a medical professional.
2. She comes home with some pretty gory stories.
There is no such thing as a normal dinner conversation at my house. They either contain some type of bodily fluid or an abnormal body part. It’s safe to say I’ve learned to stomach my meals.
3. She answers any medical questions you could possibly have.
Last semester, I took a human biology course and I texted my mom almost everyday with some type of medical question. What’s an embolism? What exactly is an aneurysm? Explain to me the different chambers and ventricles of the heart. Not only did she teach me better than my professors, but she made me become fascinated with anatomy. We bond over dissections and body parts. A couple weeks ago, she told me that she got to go in the OR for an organ procurement and I was super jealous that she got to watch surgeons harvest organs from a body. What can I say? We have a strangely demented relationship.
4. Sometimes, she comes home with a very heavy heart.
The worst is when my mom comes home after long 16 hours shifts and doesn’t say a word about her day, because it was terrible due to the loss of a patient. I’m no nurse, but I’m sure breaking news that tears families apart doesn’t get any easier as the years go by. I appreciate the physical and emotional toll those days take on her. Those lost lives hurt her, but there are many more that need saving. And they’re in great hands.
5. There is medical supplies all over the house.
Gauze, bandage scissors, medical gloves, stethoscopes. You name it. It may seem a little weird, but those straight clamps helped me get my nose piercing back in that one time. I've just learned to accept it and move on.
6. I was never able to fake being sick.
Despite using a blow dryer over my forehead to make myself feel hot and fake sniffling, she saw right through my facade. Even now when I cough, my mom whispers “fake” because she knows what the sound of phlegm is. I only got away with it one time and that was the peak of my acting career (sorry to break the news to you, mom!)
7. You knew a crap load of medical terms from a young age.
Words like edema and hernia were apart of my vocabulary when I was like 8. I enjoyed impressing people with my medical knowledge. Heart attack? That language is too colloquial for my taste. I prefer myocardial infarction, thank you very much.
8. You had some horrifying books laying around the house.
Yeah. Thanks, Mom.
9. She always gets random phone calls from family members with medical concerns.
I wonder who’s calling this late? Oh, it just my aunt wondering why my cousin hasn’t pooped in days. And it’s not just family. Even my best friends text me to ask my mom some medical questions. It’s nice to have connections instead of paying hundreds of dollars for a trip to the doctors.
10. She laughs whenever you watch medical dramas like "Grey’s Anatomy."
It’s gotten to the point where I literally cannot have her in the same room with me. I just want to watch Meredith and Derek fall in love and do surgeries together. But I can’t do that when my mom is in the kitchen telling me what they should’ve done and how they’re breaking so many hospital regulations. I get it. Let me live.
11. She’s the best person to take care of your wounds.
Got a scrape? She’ll clean it and put on a band-aid. Got a cut? She’ll kiss it to make it feel better (not at work. That’d be weird). Got drama that you need to get off your chest? She’ll listen. Got tears streaming down your face? She’ll wipe them away for you. She had devoted countless hours of her life to conserving the lives of others. Thanks for being an amazing nurse and an even more amazing mother. Now go answer your pager.
