Just stating the facts here: babies are the actual worst. Can they do anything cool? Can they be anything other than useless? Can they even hold up their own heads? No. But dogs sure as hell can. And only a select (more evolved) sector of the population can recognize that. This is what it is like to be one of these correct people:
1. "Look at the baby!" = "Look at the dog!"
Do you ever care about seeing a human baby anywhere ever? Not at all. Nor should you. And as a rule of thumb, the word "baby" almost always means "dog" anyway. Because they are the only babies that truly matter and are worthy of acknowledgement in public spaces.
2. You've already picked out the perfect name(s) for your future dog(s).
...And none for your future baby. But since we've already established that dogs are the true babies of the earth, what difference does it really make? None whatsoever. So don't ever let anyone tell you that it's weird.
3. You hate babysitting but love dog sitting.
Being paid to watch someone's dog sounds like a dream come true but being paid to watch someone's child is the worst kind of murder. Like the kind that demands a life sentence.
4. When a baby plays with a dog, you're more concerned about the dog's safety.
Human babies have no consideration for anything that's alive other than themselves and thus dogs must be protected at all costs.
5. You would never choose to watch a baby video but are always game for a dog video.
Anything a baby can do, a dog can do better so honestly what's the point? The dog videos are cuter and more entertaining 100% of the time anyway.
6. Dog clothes affect you more than baby clothes ever could.
Have you ever laid your eyes upon those little booties? Or those doggie sweaters? Have you ever seen a dachshund in a hog dog costume on Halloween? I rest my case.
7. You hate when people show you pictures of their baby but love it when they show you photos of their dog.
It's exhausting pretending to care about someone's offspring; caring about dogs just comes naturally.
8. Pictures of dogs and babies together are only cute because of the dog.
In fact, what is the baby even doing there? Other than ruining the picture?
9. You talk to dogs in a baby voice all the time but feel weird doing the same with actual babies.
One feels ridiculous while the other just feels...right.
10. Every time someone starts to talk about babies, you change the subject to dogs.
Every. Time.
11. You sometimes catch yourself thinking that a baby is cute and are horrified with yourself.
Mistakes sometimes happen to even the best of us, but it's okay; you'll always know where your allegiance truly lies.
