Hey internet, It's me again. Who am I kidding? I see you all the time, that greeting was unnecessary. But never mind all that, here's a list of things that I never learned in public school.
1. Quantum Mechanics
What will I do in the real world when I can't explain Wave-Particle Duality!
2. Deontological Ethics
I Kant believe that my high school philosophy class didn't cover this categorical imperative! It's a philosophy pun, trust me.
3. The Cultural and Political Implications of a Democratically-Governed United Arab Emirates
The regime of the Sheikhs in the UAE cannot last! And I have no idea what that means because of my school's Eurocentric curriculum.
4. Game Theory
I've got zero sums here.
5. Curse Words
Why the fudge did I not learn any of those gosh darn words!
6. American Foreign Policy Post-WW2
Everything that the history textbook told you was a lie! The nuclear bombs were dropped to scare the Soviets! Trust no one!
7. The Systematic Genocide that took place during the Vietnam War
8. How to do taxes
This past year was a year of firsts for me. I joined a fraternity, I traveled to a national park, and I did my taxes (there's more sentimental stuff but we'll get to that later). I have never been more confused on the day of April 15 than I was in 2015. Why didn't I learn how to do taxes? I have to do them as a citizen of the United States.
9. The many ways in which to woo a woman
I'm not saying that there should be a class at American public schools to teach men to how to pick up women. In fact, my idea is quite the opposite. Why did my elementary school systematically teach me that I was different from girls and that their interests and hobbies were so drastically different from mine? I believed that all girls loved the color pink, played with dolls, and thought that I was gross up until I actually talked to one in 6th grade. Why don't we encourage a lifetime of healthy relationships with women by teaching our children that stereotypes are typically wrong and that people are, generally, all the same when it comes down to it?
10. How to use my hands
I took woodshop in 7th grade and got a B+ because my teacher was a nice guy. I wish that he hadn't been. It's not because I take particular joy in observing others' misery, but because I didn't learn anything. As my parents can attest, I made the most pathetic excuse for a shelf for my final project that broke after about a week of storing files. Now that I live on my own (as much as a sophomore in college can), I want to be able to build and fix things! When my bathroom faucet leaks I want to be able to fix that and not have to admit to another man (who was taught how to use his hands) that I am effectively useless in this situation.
11. The long term effects of short term actions
If I knew how much my grades mattered in elementary school, I'd have been a much happier kid. Obviously the virtues of hard work and determination that were instilled upon me are invaluable, but the amount of stress that I let be put upon myself by my tourist's brochure for the Planet Mercury (yes, I had to make this) was irrational. My one regret from my childhood is that I speculated too much. What will these people think? Who is doing what right now without me? Will I always be this lonely? The answers to those questions, now more than ever, don't matter. As it turns out, everybody has had those feelings at some point in their life and a part of being human is dealing with that. So when you're feeling down and out, just remember that it probably won't matter in a week.
Thanks for reading.
