College continues to be one of the weirdest places I’ve ever had the pleasure to be in. It’s somewhat of a liminal space – like an abandoned warehouse or an airport waiting area at 5 in the morning – but the kind of liminal space with bright light and is always loud in motion. Every semester is a new set of paper, a new set of challenges, and a new set of jokes that we make at the expensive of our own suffering. If you don’t laugh at the number of final papers you have due this week, are you even alive still?
As much as laughter has proven to be a coping mechanism, college isn’t all that bad at times, especially if you’re into what you’re studying. Despite the occasional professor who has zero ideas how to be a competent resource for information, there’s a lot to gain from peers and teachers alike. There’s nothing like getting intensely and ridiculously passionate about a novel as a class, except maybe getting weird about that passion, which has definitely happened a bit often this semester. These moments are worth noting – the weird, the passionate, and the hilarious – even if they’re just scribbled into the margins of your notebook as they are in mine.
1. Spot the English professor
Professor: *Sits cross-legged on the table up front and rants*
2. When the professor says what everyone is thinking
"I should shut up, class is gonna be over soon."
3. Just because it's true, doesn't mean you should say it
Student #1: "Why did everyone get sick?"
Student #2: "When you don't drink, eat, or sleep for three days, your body kinda goes 'f*ck you!'"
4. So progressive
Student: *About W.E.B. Du Bois* "I'm not objectifying him! I'm objectifying his ideas."
5. The English major motto
*Lengthy discussion about grammar and structure* "English is fake anyway."
6. An alternative analysis of "Little Women"
*Heard in an English class during a discussion of "Little Women"
Professor: "I just don't think it's a sugar daddy thing!"
7. Get political
*Heard in the same English class during the same discussion*
Student: *In a tone of legitimate, genuine offense* "Hillary Clinton is NOTHING like Amy!"
8. Me too, honestly
Professor: "I study literature because I can't be held accountable to reality."
9. When your professor is #done too
Professor: "The best rest you'll ever get is when you're six feet under."
10. Young and broke
Student: "I be spending money like I have it."
11. Best advice
Professor: "Writing, above all, is thinking."