As a teacher, I am constantly helping others learn. Reading, writing, poetry—no matter the subject, I love sharing my knowledge. Therefore, with Valentine's Day behind us, I'd like to share my knowledge regarding love. Specifically, things you must know if your special someone happens to be an English teacher like me. These are pretty much universal truths.
1. We will recruit you to help us do teacher projects if this relationship goes anywhere.
"Honey, I need help cutting out these 52 valentines. Tape the Hershey kiss right there." "Sweetheart, will you haul all these books up to my classroom?" "Sit in each one of these desks, and tell me if you can see what I have on the board."
2. Avoid topics like Common Core and standardized testing on first dates.
This is more like a discussion for Date No. 25. If we make it that far, you'll understand why.
3. Your use of appropriate grammar and proper punctuation will be an immediate turn on.
We spend all day, every day passing on our love for the mechanics of the English language to America's next generation of young readers and writers. No need to wear a tux and take us out to a five-star restaurant to impress us. Just know the difference between "your" and "you're."
4. We take the Oxford comma very seriously.
I think I am getting a tattoo of it somewhere on my body. If you tell me it is obsolete, this relationship is over. If you don't know what obsolete means, this relationship is over.
5. Don't expect to see us for a week or two after our students hand in their essays.
This is prime grading time. We will probably be sifting through rubrics, writing comments in margins and providing our blooming writers with constructive criticism, all while sipping white wine and watching film adaptations of Jane Austen novels.
6. When we say "my kids," we might not actually mean our biological children.
Right now, I have 45 kids. I call all of my students "my kids." Don't get confused. Next time I say "one of my kids did this today," remember that I'm just referring to Tommy, a ninth grader in my American Lit. course.
7. Any book or school supply item will make our hearts sing.
Swap the chocolate or flowers for highlighters, pens, a planner, a "Ms. Murtha" coffee mug, patterned file folders, "The Complete Works of William Shakespeare," etc. etc. You get the picture.
8. You might want to review the dictionary and/or the thesaurus if you have time.
I like words—big, fancy, complex words.
9. Avoid repeating those cheesy clichés like "Those who can't do, teach."
If you say that to me, you will be forced to read one of my 25-page, college English term papers. Then you can decide for yourself if the reason I chose to teach English was that I couldn't "do" English.
10. It might feel like the only things we know how to discuss are our students and the curriculum that we are responsible for teaching.
This is where we need your help! It is tough for us to compartmentalize. We struggle with leaving our work on the "Welcome" mat when we get home. Listen with a compassionate ear when we really need it, but also let us know if we are talking too much about subject/verb agreement or Tommy's zone of proximal development.
11. Punny pick up lines work well on us.
Never underestimate the power of the pun.
