Here at BGSU, we take pride in our squirrels. We have our “squirrel along” shirts and January 21 is Squirrel Appreciation Day! Not to mention, we have all kinds of cute, friendly squirrels that roam campus. We have brown, red, gray and even white squirrels! I’ve always wondered what they would say if they could talk. Without further ado, here is a list of things BG squirrels might say if they spoke.

1. “I see you’re sitting in the grass. Is that because you have food for me?”

The squirrels in BG will literally walk right up to you, especially if you have food.

2. “Draw me like like one of your French squirrels.”

If you think about it, we are always stopping to get pictures of the squirrels to post on social media, and why wouldn't we? They're so cute!

3. “I saw that white squirrel yesterday. Humans are always freaking out about that squirrel and I don’t know why. I’m cuter.”

The white squirrel gets so much more attention than the other squirrels. That makes sense to us since we know they’re a rare sight in Ohio, but the other squirrels probably don’t understand that. They want attention too!

4. *November arrives* “Oh crap! It’s getting cold. I need to steal all of the acorns and bury them in the ground so I can continue to eat before the winter comes.”

You always see the squirrels burying their acorns by the time it starts getting cold outside.

5. “The other day I saw humans walking around dressed up like us… What weirdos.”

Yes. People do this. It’s real. I think it’s wonderful and hilarious.

6. “We can pretty much do whatever we want because we’re adorable.”

True statement.

7. “Do humans scare me? Ha, no! They’re so slow and they can’t even run up trees!”

Also a true statement.

8. *Human approaches a squirrel to try to pet it* “No touchy! I’m going to run up this tree if you get too close. Not just anyone gets to touch this perfect fur.”

This explains why they always run away from us when we intentionally walk too close to them.

9. “Dogs are the worst. They always chase us and it’s really annoying.”

I always feel bad for the poor little squirrels when I see a dog chasing them.

10. “This is our grass and our acorns. So, if you’re a human, be prepared to make way for us walking around. We don’t cut you off, you cut us off.”

I’m sure we’ve all been seemingly cut off by a squirrel before as we were walking to class. However, if you think of it from their perspective, we’re probably to ones cutting them off.

11. “Feed me.”

That’s pretty much what those squirrels are looking for: food.

I hope this entertained you and answered some of your squirrel-related questions. Feel free to add any extra comments you think BG squirrels might say if they could talk!