Two girls with curly hair walk into a bar. Five minutes later some stranger walks over and asks them if they “like, wash it.”
Having curly hair is a blessing and a curse, and too often feels like a curse. People always say they wish they had it, but you always wonder how quickly they would want to shave their heads if they actually got to switch for a week. I know, I know; the grass is always greener, but my grass can form itself into a dreadlock in a matter of hours. Here are five struggles that everyone with curly hair knows all too well.
1. Haircuts.
Throughout my life, I’ve seen so many cute, choppy hairstyles on celebrities that I wanted so badly. Well, unless you straighten your hair every single day, that cute, choppy hairstyle on your curls will make your head look like the great pyramids.
Pro tip: unless it’s just a trim, always cut your hair while it’s curly!
2. Random touching.
This one barely needs to be explained. Strangers just coming up to you and touching your hair strange. Even though on a bad day we may look like chia pets, it’s still not okay to fondle my head and then ask some annoying question about my grooming habits.
3. Trying to look like you have your life together.
Have you ever had a bangin’ outfit, perfect cat eye and felt ready to take over the world—except one thing: your hair decided to revolt against you, so now you just put your hair in a bun and throw on sweatpants to complete the look.
4. The weather.
Some people check the forecast for their outfit; I check it for the humidity percentage so I can go ahead and rock the bun and prevent being surprised in the middle of my walk to class by my hair slowly expanding into another galaxy.
5. Hair growth that looks like nothing.
Probably one of the most infuriating parts of having curly hair is the fact that two year’s worth of hair growth will most likely look like two months. When your hair takes six months to grow one single curl, it’s enough to make you want to put your hair on a taffy stretcher and just see what happens.
6. Brushes, LOL.
I remember a girl in high school asking me for a brush in the bathroom. It was pretty hard to not just laugh in her face. Brushing curly hair while dry results in a cloud living above your head, and I don't think anyone wants to see that.
7. The endless search for hair products.
I could probably run a black market salon out of my bathroom with all of the bottles of anti-fritz cream and conditioner strewn everywhere. I guess it's time to face the facts: you can't stop frizz no matter how much money you spend. Sometimes you want to save yourself the money and just dump a water bottle on your head every hour or so.
8. Shedding.
The amount of hair that comes off of my head in the shower really makes me wonder why I don't look like Hulk Hogan. I guess this explains why my hair doesn't get longer--it's just trying to make up for the pounds of hair I shed onto my shower wall. On the plus side, when you get lonely you can basically make yourself a puppy out of your own hair to hang out with.
9. Bed head.
I heard this was a "look" that some people aim for. Well, there is no way in hell that it's about my kind of bed head. Waking up in the morning with curly hair means one side of your hair flattened to your head. Cute, right?
10. Oh, the questions. "Does your hair grow?" "Do you wash it?" "How do you make it look like that?"
11. Deciding to straighten your hair.
If I got paid for the countless hours it takes to have the silky smooth hair that makes me feel like I have slight control over my head, I'd be a millionaire by now. You have to admit, it's cool to have a few hair options, but I sure wish it didn't take the lifespan of a small insect to blow-dry and straighten my curls to later be ruined by a humidity higher than 30 percent.
Although dealing with your curls can make you lose your mind from time to time, those good hair days where you feel like a fluffy goddess, make it all worth it. Embrace the frizz because it’s your frizz, and if all else fails just let it tangle together into one giant dread and you can be on American Horror Story or something.
