I know you’ve done it, be honest. You’ve put off studying, or homework, or writing an article. Anyway.
Everyone has done it at some point, but it takes someone really dedicated to the procrastination game and someone with a lot of guts to procrastinate on a paper. If you’ve done this, chances are you’ve gone through the stages of the game:
- “I’m not going to procrastinate this time.”
As soon as you get an assignment, you make a vow to yourself. You remember what happened last time, "The Great Language Arts Fiasco." Let’s not talk about that one. But, you are super motivated and are ready to conquer this paper! You plan to have it done AT LEAST a day before it’s due. You’ll have an outline, and sources, and you’ll have plenty of quotes. Let’s get to it!
2. “Outlines are a lot harder than I remembered.”
You learned in middle school the whole Roman numeral, uppercase letter, lowercase letter strategy and it seemed pretty easy then. Oh, but "Pretty Little Liars" is on and I NEED to find out who A is or I’m going to die. Like, no, seriously. I will die.
3. “Now that 'Pretty Little Liars' is over I’ll just start writing.”
After like a billion episodes of not knowing who A is, now you know. So, you can probably move on with your life. You start with the introduction, because I guess that is the best way to start..? There’s probably a rule about starting your paper with a quote. You either should or shouldn’t... Maybe you should just come back to the introduction after you do the body paragraph… yeah. That sounds good.
4. “Well, I wrote three sentences and I’m probably missing a comma somewhere, but it’s time for some Oreos. “
About one tenth of the way through your first paragraph, you realize how well you’re doing; you think you deserve a cookie break. Okay, so you get the Oreos out of the cabinet and go in the refrigerator to get milk and… no milk. I mean, you can’t have Oreos without milk, right? So, naturally, you go to the store and get milk. But in the store you run into your 4th grade teacher, your neighbor’s 2nd cousin, and your mom’s best friend. So, after all that socializing, you think it’s time for a well-deserved nap. The paper can wait for a little…
5. “I still have a whole week until the paper is due. I have SO much time.”
You figured you got a pretty good start, so you’re ahead of your normal schedule. The normal schedule being that you finish your paper at 1:30 a.m. the day it is due. WARNING: YOU DO NOT HAVE TIME. WORK ON YOUR PAPER.
6. “I’ll work on my paper a little each day so I don’t overwhelm myself.”
You know that’s not going to work. But, mom said to have faith in you. Maybe you should just hope for the best? Or hope that your professor will have mercy on your soul/grade.
7. “WAIT. Tomorrow is the 17th?! Are you sure?”
And just like that, the due date sneaks up on you like a sniper and gets you.
8. “Okay. Be Calm. I have all night to work on it and I’ll just take a nap after class tomorrow.”
If you have to convince yourself to be calm during the writing process, you know it’s getting bad.
9.“But I’m so sleepy. Maybe I’ll just wake up early and finish it.”
BEWARE. Step #9 should be avoided at all costs! You got yourself into this situation, and you better finish it before the day that it is due. The longer you put it off, ore things can go wrong. Finish it.
10. “Well I’m 12 minutes late for class because the printer wouldn’t work. But, at least my paper is done.”
Congratulations! You have successfully procrastinated long enough to be late for class, but not too long, so you miss the due date. Finally, it’s done. But, you are probably more stressed out than you should have been. So, you vow to never procrastinate ever again…
11. Repeat during the next writing process.
