1. You make major decisions without consulting your parents.

I have been making my own choices on minor things for years: what to eat for dinner, what friend I wanted to spend time with and how much homework I had to do before bed. All of these small decisions didn’t worry me, what worried me were the big things. I would have to hash things out with my parents and get their permission on anything major. But, this year I signed a lease on an apartment, planned a trip, and voted in a presidential election without asking them what I should do.

2. You realize the difference between who you want to be and who you actually are.

I have this idea of the type of person I am supposed to be, I’m not sure who put in my head. I had this idea that I had to be this spontaneous, super creative, beautiful, perfect person. But this is not who I am. I like security, I like analytical things, and I don’t have the desire to look pretty every day. I have learned this lesson in deciding what to study at school and I have seen more of the girl I actually am rather than this idealized version of myself that I can never be happy with.

3. You lose friends because you grow apart.

As you grow up, you see friends slip away. Not because you don’t like them anymore or they did something awful to hurt you. They left my life because they just can’t fit into it anymore, they’ve grown up and we have grown into people who are just too different to be close. I don’t hate them, I miss them, but there is just not room in their lives for me anymore.

4. You learn to say no.

This was a really hard one for me. I don’t like being left out of things or missing out on anything that will end up being memorable. But you do have to realize that sometimes you have to study for an exam, take an extra work shift, or spend time with other friends. The world will keep spinning if you miss something and you will feel like you have more control over your life.

5. You buy a blazer.

This is one that affected many aspects in my life. I had my first “real” job in 2016. I had to dress nice every single day and pretend I was a real grown up the best I could. Buying this blazer meant I was graduating from simple food service work into an entirely new world. The longer I wore that blazer, the more comfortable I was in it and the more professional I saw myself becoming.

6. You spend money on things you need, not always what you want.

There is nothing worse than going online shopping and having to take a cute pair of shoes out of your cart and replace it with printer ink. Money budgeting is humbling and important but it still sucks.

7. You learn some lessons the hard way.

No matter how hard I try, I still make mistakes. There have been a few pretty horrible ones that come to mind, things that I deeply wish never happened. But there is also something to be taken away from them. If I didn’t make a terrible error or two, I would still be the person I was before. I would still be naïve and oblivious so I’m glad that I learned it the hard way, therefore I will never go back.

8. You realize there is a lot you cannot change.

I don’t have the power to change who the president elect is. I don’t have the power to change who my family is or how much money they have. I can’t change my personality or my looks. I can’t change who I am in my core and I can’t change whether someone likes me or not. It’s about changing what you can change and dealing with what you can’t.

9. You figure out who the nice boys are.

I have not quite figured this out yet. It is very easy to choose guys that are bad for me, whether they are not great people or the situation just isn’t right. I am starting to see the different between kind faces and kind people. It’s ok to break up with a guy because he’s not good for you, it’s ok to be picky, it’s ok that I don’t settle for someone I am not crazy about.

10. You start loving yourself.

This is a hard one for most people. To look in the mirror or into your own mind and appreciate what you see. To stop comparing yourself to other people, especially the people close to you.

11. You realize that you’re not grown up yet.

I see all of the things I am not good at and I all of the things I don’t know. I don’t know what is going to happen to our country, my love life, my career, or my friendships. I don’t know what new challenges I will face or how I will face them. All I do know is that I am growing up and I will continue to for the rest of my life.