1. Shorts and underwear are interchangeable. I already struggled to buy shorts for the last 10 years because I've had that booty game since I was 9, but thanks for making it harder by only selling shorts that look like underwear. Luckily for me, there is not a dress code in college, but adding three inches to the top of the shorts to make them high waisted does not mean they had to delete three inches from the bottom. This may come as a surprise, but sometimes I wear shorts with the intention of covering all of my bottom.
2. Chokers look like cat collars. **Meow**
3. Velvet is meant for children's gymnastics leotards... not turtlenecks, long sleeves, crop tops, leggings, long-sleeve dresses, bell bottoms, high waisted spandex velvet shorts or body-con velvet dresses. Velvet is like vinyl; it's a fabric, but not one that should ever be meant for clothing. It is too hot to wear velvet pants in San Diego anyways, so please donate it all to families in Alaska (they can keep warm watching it burn in their fireplace).
4. Denim is not meant for maxi dresses, or maxi anything. I love denim, and I own three denim vests; denim is so American. Denim mini skirts were an awful trend that I am thrilled has returned. I could say the same for denim overalls, (the original version of rompers, which I equally love), but denim maxi skirts are disgusting and I would imagine them to be very heavy. Very illogical.
5. "In the future, we will dress from the past." It is the 21st century and instead of being fashion forward and innovative, we reverted back to the two tackiest times in the last 100 years. We are trying to mix the '90s and the '70s; neither one of them had good fashion (better than the '80s, but just awful nonetheless). Horizontal stripes and paisley are still ugly and unflattering, only now we're selling them right next to each other on the racks.
6. Lipstick is for your mouth, not the area around your mouth. This isn't really fashion, but I'll let it slide. You can cheat on your makeup for a photo shoot, but in day to day natural lighting, I can see where your lips actually stop and the lipstick keeps going.
7. What even is a top knot? You are not fooling me, I know you were just too lazy to straighten all of your hair.
8. If you do not like flowers or lace, there is nothing in any store for you to wear. Try again in 2015.
9. Once upon a time you had to decide between tight, short or cut out when choosing a dress to wear. Now, you don't have to choose because everything they sell everywhere is all of the above (with the exception of boxy crop tops that look like a square with holes for your head and arms).
10. Uggs are awful, they really should have halted production in 2004. They are zero percent fashion forward, even with glitter sequins (but they still make a recurring appearance on my Christmas list year after year because, damn it, Uggs are so comfortably convenient).
11. My favorite sentence: one size fits most. I am a relatively normal sized girl. If anything, I sit on the skinnier side of the spectrum. Which is why I am flabbergasted when I attempt to try on "one size fits most" items, I am too large for them, and I think to myself, "WHO are they referring to?"
