It's late when there's a knock on the door. Amy leaves Austin dozing on the couch.
"Jane!" Amy grabs her sister, her stomach falling. "What's wrong?" she practically yells.
"Nothing," Jane says, then immediately throws herself at Amy.
"Oh, Shadow." Amy wraps her arms around Jane's shaking shoulders, gently guiding her down the hall.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" Amy asks softly as Jane curls up on her bed. Jane just shakes her head, watching Amy make her way around the room. When she opens the windows the smell of roses makes Jane ache. Amy turns the radio on, glancing at Jane when she does. She holds back a sigh when she finds that Jane's eyes are glued to her and goes to lay down with her.
"I know you're still scared about what happened. It's only been a couple of months. But you're gonna be fine; it's just going to take some time."
"I know. It just hurts. A lot.
"You can tell Meredith. She's worried."
"And this will only make her more worried."
"No, not this time. She loved her worst nightmare between you and Sarah. And on top of that, I'm getting married. For her, this is a lot to handle at one time."
It's quiet, the radio playing as soft as the breeze.
"I can't bring it up to her, Amy. I know how it feels to have it happen all over again when someone brings it up. And I know you do, too."
Amy looks up at the ceiling in guilt. Jane was right.
"Well, you can always come here."
"Not for long."
"That will never change." Amy sounds angry, and Jane doesn't have it in her to fight. She lets Amy hold her, the hazy scent of roses lulling them into a comfortable haze, The Beatles and Van Morrison softly singing to them. Austin finds them sometime later, smiling at the sight in front of him. He is well aware of how Jane feels about their upcoming marriage, though she'd be appalled to know he knew. He kneels beside the bed, gently laying a hand on the mattress in front of Jane's face. She eventually wakes up, and Austin should've known how easy it was for her to fall asleep here with Amy. He tries to hold the smile back at the embarrassment on Jane's face.
"Jane," he says quietly, letting her know he wasn't upset. "Will you come with me?"
Amy stirs slightly when Jane gets up, her curiosity making her follow Austin down the hall to the spare bedroom they kept as their office. Jane's curiosity is replaced with confusion.
"What happened to your office?"
"It's now our spare bedroom." Austin turns to her.
"Why?"
Austin can only laugh. "Go sit on the bed." When he turns the lights out, it's immediately apparent what she's supposed to see. Jane's mouth falls open at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling. Austin comes to sit beside her.
"Did I get it right?"
Jane's surprised face turns to him. "Huh?"
"I'm not gonna say that things aren't going to be different after your sister, and I get married, but I can promise that certain certain things won't change. You can come here any time you want. Our door will always be open, and Amy will always be here for you. And I will, too."
The stars blurred, but Jane didn't care if Austin had gotten them right or not. He'd gotten something else right, something more important to her. She doesn't know any other way to thank him than to throw herself at him, and Austin just laughs, his arms around her gentle and comforting. Amy appears in the doorway, quick with the tears. She mouths I love you, and Austin does the sane back to her. She slowly makes her way to them, pulling Jane's hair away from her face.
"I called mom and told her you were staying here."
Jane doesn't look up, but asks, "Is she mad?"
"No, Shadow. Why would she be mad?"
"Because I kinda just left without saying anything."
"She's not mad. But you might feel better if you call her." Amy kisses her before she and Austin leave Jane to sort through her thoughts.
…………….
Jane was the one that caught her, and better her than Meredith. After weeks of sneaking in and out, Sarah knew she'd get caught eventually. Being on a high she's never experienced before makes her not care about this. But the changes Sarah sees in herself both scare and thrill her, while she remains completely oblivious to other things. She doesn't dare sneak Ryan into the house, only for fear of embarrassment. Her family would never let her live it down, especially her mom. Instead, she sneaks out a few nights a week, then sneaks back in, later and later each time. Neither Sarah or Ryan were into the club scene anymore, but both were hesitant to admit how much they were falling. They go out occasionally, but it's not their thing. They'd started backward, and though all the couple things were foreign to them, the intense draw they have to each other keeps them moving forward.
After a few hours with Ryan, Sarah reluctantly heads home, hating the feeling inside that took the place of Ryan's presence whenever they're apart. Trying to reason with herself about these feelings, Sarah is too distracted to remember to be careful. Most nights she snuck in through the back door, but it's so much later tonight that she makes her way across the side roof.
"What are you doing?"
Sarah screams though she has enough sense to stop it short.
"Jesus, Jane!" she hisses, balancing herself against the house. She'd been this close to falling off the roof. "What is wrong with you?"
"Me? I'm just sitting at my window, thank you. You're the one all jumpy and shit." There's a noise at the other end of the roof, and it's followed by the sound of a body falling. Jane pretends not to hear it.
"Sitting at your window, are you fucking kidding me? Is that Davey?"
"Shut up, Sarah, keep your voice down!" Jane pushes her aside and stands at the edge of the roof. "Hey!" she whispers loudly. "Are you ok?"
There's a muffled reply before they see Davey crawling out from the bushes. He and Jane giggle so stupidly cute before Davey waves goodbye. Sarah recognizes the look on Jane's face as she watches him run down the street.
"How long has this been going on?" Sarah doesn't let Jane move.
"Really, hypocrite?"
"What?"
"I know you've been sneaking out, dude - "
"Exactly! Sneaking out. My boyfriend isn't sneaking in. What if mom catches you?"
"I don't know." Jane shrugs, sitting down and looking to the last place Davey had been visible. She turns to Sarah suddenly, quick to ask, "Why are you sneaking around? It's not like you have a curfew. And it's not like we don't know what you're doing and who you're doing it with."
"We?"
"Chill, Meredith is clueless. But why are you hiding it?"
"I'm not, I just don't want it to be everyone's business…oh my god, really? NOW you're interested in my boyfriend?"
Jane scowls. "Hardly," she lies. "He's probably a douche - "
"He's not." Sarah's scary voice makes Jane's eyes go wide, but then she lets out laughter that has Sarah pinning her down. It only makes Jane laugh harder, though it comes out like she's choking. She manages to gasp, "Holy shit, you're in love!" before Sarah grabs Jane's face, smooshing it.
"Jane Amanda, I swear to god if you say ANYTHING - "
Jane mumbles through fish lips, and Sarah narrows her eyes at her little sister before releasing her face.
"Sarah. C'mon. It's obvious to everyone."
Sarah falls back at these words. The annoyance on her face means she's going to get defensive and mean and probably make Jane cry.
"Sarah?" Jane is too shocked to move when Sarah bursts into tears. "What's wrong?"
Sarah has no words, just lets her head drop to her chest. Jane hurries over to her and huddles against her sister.
"What is it?" Jane's whisper against the still, warm night makes Sarah's feelings even deeper. She remembers all the nights she sat out here when she couldn't sleep, one of her sisters usually joining her. Here is where she did all her thinking and tried to get past issues she didn't want to have.
"I don't know. What the fuck? I just don't know." she finally says miserably. "I never thought of me and Ryan as a couple, let alone us being in love. I don't know how to be with someone in this way."
"But you're doing exactly that right now. And you don't even realize it. It's not something you're supposed to think about. That's what ruins it."
Jane lets a moment pass before resting her chin on Sarah's shoulder. After a few minutes, she gets up silently, leaving Sarah with her heavy thoughts in the one place she can sort through them.
