College is an exciting time for many, many reasons, one of those being getting to choose who you live with. However, despite everything they try to teach you in Kindergarten, sharing is not always fun and simple. No matter who you choose to live with, confrontation is bound to happen. Whether you're living with your best friends or with total strangers, here are some tips for making your living situation a little less stressful.
1. Establish Your Space
In an apartment or house, you and your roommates have got to designate what is a common area and what isn't. Who's room is who's? If you're sharing a bathroom, which side of the counter is yours? If you have a washer and dryer in your home, when can everyone use it? As an example, my roommates and I each have our own designated shelves in the pantry, and one shelf that's for things that are "fair game" for anyone. In a tiny dorm room, you have a lot less space to work with, but it's still important to establish your area. Make sure it's clear what areas are off-limits to each other, but also make sure you're separating the room as equally as possible. While this tip may seem obvious (and maybe even a little high-maintenance), having a space that is just yours and that you can escape to can help relieve a lot of stress.
2. Know What Belongs To Who
While each of you have your own space, it's important to have an understanding of who's stuff is who's. There have been so many times I've seen roommates fight because someone took something that wasn't theirs without asking. Establishing early on what belongs to each of you can help solve a lot of problems. My roommates and I have a lot of shared stuff, but what's ours is ours. If you're unsure if something is open the public, just ask! Whether you verbally lay down the law or label everything you own, make sure everyone is on the same page.
3. Designate Chores
Hear me out - these don't have to be big things. I'm not saying you have to do a full-on deep clean every week, but you should at least make sure your home doesn't look like it belongs on an episode of "Hoarders." Dividing up the work between all of you and deciding how often each chore needs to be done will help make sure one person isn't doing all of the work and that all of the common areas are staying clean(ish). Cleaning the floors, wiping down counters, taking out the trash, and getting the mail are all things you and your roommates can do, whether you stick with one chore all year or alternate on a regular basis.
4. Live Your Own Lives
Just because you live together doesn't mean you have to all be best friends, especially if you're living with strangers. Give each other space and do your own thing, even if that just means watching Netflix by yourself in your room. Cook or buy your own meals, have friends over to hang out, and be involved with things your roommates aren't. This is important even if you are living with your best friends, because while it can be loads of fun, everyone knows that too much of a good thing is....well....not good.
5. But Keep Each Other Informed
Communication is one of the most important things in any kind of relationship, and yet so few people are actually good at it. Keeping your roommates informed about what's going on in your home is vital for keeping things stress-free. If you're having people over for a game night or a study session, be courteous and let your roommates know. This way, they're not shocked when they walk out of their room in their pajamas and are suddenly surrounded by a million people they don't know. If something is broken in a common area, a nice little "heads up" is sure to be appreciated (and can prevent other disasters).
6. Respect The Boundaries You Set
All of the hoopla about designating and establishing will mean nothing if you don't actually follow through. It can be difficult to remember certain things ("Did I buy that frozen pizza, or did she?"), and sometimes it's just easier to ignore the rules that you've set. But trust me on this, once you get everything settled and set up a routine, your life will be so much easier. Respecting boundaries and respecting each other can lead to a year (or more) of happy, low-stress living, and who doesn't want that?
7. Be Patient
No one is perfect. Everyone has their quirks, and some of them may be boarder-line (or seriously) irritating. That being said, practicing patience and choosing your battles carefully will make things easier for everyone involved. People will hardly ever want to do things exactly the way you would do them, and that's okay. If your roommate promises they'll clean the sink when they have time, make sure you're giving them time to do it. Don't be a control freak, because you'll end up frustrating both yourself and your roommates.
8. Don't Be Afraid Of Confrontation
While being patient can ease a lot of tension, being passive-aggressive will do the opposite. If something is truly bothering you, don't be afraid to let your roommate know. Sitting in your bitterness because you don't want to start a fight, or because you think you shouldn't have to say anything, will only lead to more problems between you and the people you live with. If you're anything like me, confrontation can be extremely uncomfortable and you try to avoid it at all costs, but hiding your feelings never solves anything. Let me be clear: confrontation does not and should not mean getting angry and yelling at someone else. When confronting your roommate, be open about your issues, but remember to be as kind as understanding as possible (remember, you still have to live with them).
9. Spend Quality Time Together
Like I said before, you don't have to be each others' best friends, but hanging out with your roommates will help you establish an even better relationship with them. Whether it's going out to eat, seeing a movie, or just sitting in the living room talking for an hour will allow you to get to know them and what's going on in their lives. Knowing their work load and their stress level will help you be more understanding of their behavior, and can help you get along better. And who knows? Maybe these people really do become your best friends.
10. Serve Each Other
Never underestimate the power of a Random Act of Kindness. It may sound cheesy and cliche, but it's true. Doing things here and there that help out your roommates can lead to healthier relationships between you all. You are by no means expected to take care of them, but small things every once and a while like bringing them leftovers when you go out, cleaning a dish they left in the sink, or folding the laundry they left in the dryer can show that you care and can make your roommates feel appreciated.
With all of this in mind, go forth and get along!
