We all know and love good ole' public transportation. It's a great and easy way to get around the city to do whatever you want to do, but it does come with some interesting situations. My only experiences with the subway have been in New York, but I've been exposed to it all my life. Living here this summer, though, has really made me realize that at least five times a day, I will have some of these thoughts.
1. "Please don't start singing."
Everywhere you go in the subway there will be someone trying to entertain. I can deal with it --and sometimes appreciate it -- until they bring it onto the subway car. Unless you are a really adorable and talented A cappella quartet, I don't want to hear it on my way to work. As much as I love to listen to you sing your off key gospel songs while you stumble around the moving car, sir, I will have to pass on donating to your cause.
2. "What in God's name is that person wearing?"
3. "If you complain one more time, I may punch you."
If you can't handle how close people are going to be to you, you can walk or Uber your way around this city and stop complaining. There are nine million people in this city and none of them give a damn if their backpack is in your way. Deal with it and stop being such a bitter person.
4. "Dude, I'm not funding your drug problem."
If you are going to have the audacity to get on this subway car begging for money in your Nike tennis shoes, North Face backpack, and cigarette perfume, you are out of your mind. We all know you aren't homeless and we all want you to stop preaching.
5. "I'm suddenly very aware of how close I am to this person."
The subway is such a weird place because you are forced to have direct contact with complete strangers and it isn't weird. It's just accepted. Sometimes the subway is too cramped to have your own bubble and you'll have to share it with a lot of people you will probably never see again. Even though you're used to it, sometimes you're reminded that you're smushed against a total stranger and you should not be touching a random person.
6. "Maybe if I put my headphones in, they won't ask me for money."
You try to avoid these people as much as you can but they always pop up. So, you think that maybe if you just keep your head down and turn your music up, they won't make eye contact with you and stick their hat out for dollar bills.
7. "Please please please send before I run out of service."
Everyone knows that rush of anxiety when the train car starts moving and you haven't finished your text message. So, you throw grammatical caution to the wind and type as fast as possible and pray that it delivers before you go too far underground.
8. "If you don't back the f*** away from the door I swear to God..."
What blows my mind is that people can stand right up against the door with a backpack on and not realize that they're the reason the door continues to open and close over and over again. Just take two freaking steps forward so we can all go on with our day without hearing that godforsaken "ding dong" noise repeatedly.
9. "I'd really appreciate it if you'd stop staring at me."
I don't know if you're just that high at 10 a.m. that you don't have the common decency to keep from making someone feel uncomfortable, but I'd really rather not feel like I'm going to be stalked and killed this early in the morning.
10. "Ain't nobody cute on this train."
I mean, I'm not exactly looking to meet the love of my life on the subway train on a Monday morning, but it's always nice to have a little eye candy on the way into town. So, it's a bit disappointing when there's no one cute to look at.
For anyone who hasn't been on the subway, this should not discourage you in any way. Even though it can be a little weird sometimes, it's extremely convenient and there's never a dull moment.
