It’s been a long day of work at your summer job. You’re tired, probably hungry because dinner was at least 30 minutes ago (and that’s too long to go without food). It is just about time to settle in and do the daily social media scroll to see what has been going on while you were at work. Many of us know this situation all too well and have almost worked it into our daily routine. You are in the process of relaxing and decompressing while you scroll through over-edited pictures on Instagram and endless political posts on Facebook. And then you get to Snapchat. Good old Snapchat. And it begins.
1. “Shocker, she is at the beach AGAIN…”
There are those selected few individuals that you have convinced yourself are probably paying rent at, at least six of the nearest beaches (knowing well enough that none of these people own beach houses) because they are there so often. Five out the the seven days of the week this person is as the beach, so it no longer surprises you when you see it on their story, but you secretly envy they have time to work on their tan so frequently.
2. "I don't even need to look at your story to know it's going to be boring an uneventful."
We all have that friend who doesn’t really understand what is and what isn’t important to put on your Snapchat story. When you see that they have posted a story, you end up clicking through hours of random pictures such as a particularly interesting blade of grass, or an incredibly riveting glass of orange juice that they had with breakfast. Regardless, you feel some sense of loyalty to this person, so you click through their story and continue on.
2. “Oh, they went to a party last night. THANKS FOR THE INVITE.”
Yes, you work every day of the week and yes, it was a Wednesday yesterday. So you did have work today and you would not have been able to go out last night. But, it would have been nice of your friends to at least invite you out so you had the opportunity to say no, or act like you had more important things going on. So you feel hurt for a second or two, but then you move on.
3. "Those french fries looking f$@$ing amazing."
Not only do you hate this person for posting a picture of some sort of food that has your mouth watering and your stomach screaming, but your mind starts racing about the hour of the night and if there are grocery stores open that could provide you with the ingredients to recreate such an amazing looking meal. However, you give up when you remember that you would need to move in order to complete that task. Next.
4. “Yeah, we get it, you’re obsessed with your boyfriend and he’s your only friend. Stop posting pictures of him.”
I admit I am guilty of posting one too many pictures of my boyfriend on my Snapchat story. I know the feeling, though. It’s like a daily update of their relationship that you don’t necessarily want to see, but feel kind of obligated to watch because it’s interesting to see if they are getting along that day.
5. “DO ANY OF THESE PEOPLE HAVE SUMMER JOBS? I’M SO CONFUSED."
At this point you have seen at least 10 stories of people lounging either by a pool or on a beach with an alcoholic beverage of choice in hand (sometimes both hands). Do these people work? What do they do? Is there some kind of place that is paying college students to do absolutely nothing but drink and tab? We have all been there.
6. “If these people don’t work, why the HELL are they on a tropical island every other week? Who is paying for this?”
You know these people aren’t paying for these trips on their own because you have the Snapchat evidence to prove they aren’t working. So now you are racking your brain trying to possibly figure out what they could have done to coerce their parents into paying for a trip (or eight) to these tropical islands. After many hours of trying to figure out their tactics, you give up, remembering that your parents would never pay for a trip. Silly me. Stop dreaming.
7. “Where did all of those puppies come from? Where can I get those puppies? I want a puppy.”
For some reason, this human on Snapchat has been graced with the pleasure of playing with puppies. You feel a connection with this person on some pupitual (spiritual+puppy) level because they share a love for puppies like you do. So now you start wondering when the last time you played with a puppy was and when the next time you can play with a puppy will be. Regardless, you are happy that you actually got to see the puppies on Snapchat and you are pleased that the puppies got some loving (even though it wasn't from you).
8. “Why are you always perfect? Do you have a live in makeup artist/personal trainer? Are they expensive?”
You don’t understand how it is physically possible for someone to look this amazing every minute of every day of the week. You wonder if this person has ever had an ugly day, a double chin, or a moment where they go “Oh my god, you cannot post that picture!" For a split second you consider going on a run or watching a makeup tutorial. Then you laugh and continue eating your cheese doodles.
9. “I hope to god that person is still alive in the morning.”
Lastly, these stories come up quite frequently and you constantly find yourself wondering if this person has made it through the night. Their story starts with what looks like something that is a lot of fun. However, as the night goes on and the drink count rises, you can see the rapid decline in this person’s good judgment. Words are slurred, Snapchats are blurry, there is no water (for consumption) present within miles (it seems), you are now seeing videos of this person’s foot, you see pictures of them with someone you are 100 percent positive they hate... It’s bad. After watching their story you genuinely feel concerned if that person is going to make it out alive. All you can do at this point is pray for that poor soul and the hangover they are going to endure.
