As a server, we love and hate our jobs. There are many guests that we enjoying serving because they're pleasant, understanding, generous people. However, we also have to deal with the select few that are not so pleasant. Most of us, if not all of us have contemplated saying these 10 things (and much more) to our rude guests:
1. "You're welcome."
When the guest/customer doesn't say thank you.
2. "Can you not?"
When they ask you, "Can we split the bill 8 ways?" AFTER they've already eaten and you've dropped the check.
3. "F*@# YOU!"
To a rude customer, to your manager, to another server/co-worker. This usually happens multiple times a shift...
4. "Sit where the host/hostess puts you!"
I cannot tell you how many times I've gotten a table, I give them a second to settle in, and when I go back out into the dining room, they're at a completely different table, in a completely different section. As servers, we don't just get to choose what tables we want to take. If you are sat in our section, we have to take the table, and if our section does not get sat, we don't make money.
5. "You get what you get."
I understand that some people are picky, but really, enough with the modifications! At this point, you might as well order a different meal. And yes, it is completely understandable to send back a steak if it comes out rare when ordered well done. However, if you're going to tell me that it's too tough when you ordered it well done, that's your own fault. You had us cook out all the juices. If you're looking for a free meal, go to a shelter or your momma's house.
6. "I hate you and your baby!"
Okay, so I don't hate babies, but I hate the messes they make. Some servers, like myself, have to bus their own tables. Don't tell me, "it's part of the job." I understand it is, but I shouldn't have to spend more than five minutes cleaning up after your little devil.
7. "Can you wait a minute?!"
Have you ever had one of those really impatient tables that feels it's your sole purpose to serve them, and them only? They have you running back and forth from the kitchen the entire time they're there. How oblivious are you? Do you not realize that you're not my only table?! Also, when I'm with another table, do not interrupt me or them. That's rude.
8. "I REFUSE. I'm off."
When a party of 30 shows up at 9:56, and you're off at 10.
9. "JUST LEAVE."
When you've been cut for over an hour now, all your silverware is rolled, all your side-work is done, you're signed off completely by the checkers and your manager, your jacket is on, you're eyeing them down from the vestibule, and they're still sitting. LEAVE!! I WANNA GO HOME!!!
...and what we've all wanted to say the most...
10. "If you can't afford to tip, don't dine out!"
For all you stingy people out there who stiff us or leave us less than the 15-20% we DESERVE. This is real career for some people. We make less than $3.00 hourly, so yes, we rely on your tips to pay our bills. If it's a slow night and I have one table in one hour, and they don't tip, I pretty much made pennies for that hour once taxes are taken out. Also, don't leave me your pocket change. That's almost worse than not tipping at all.
