Hello my lovely humans,

My name is Matt, and I am a mermaid, or merman. I recently celebrated my 121st birthday (21st in human years), and in our culture, we are granted the opportunity to become human for a whole week. We are given lodging in the city of our choosing and access to all knowledge of the times. Some of us get to spend longer on land if we choose, but at a price (I'll get to mine later). To be close to home, I decided to attend a university by the ocean so that I may visit whenever I wish. Although I do miss my home, I love your world. It's so fast paced and diverse, much like the ocean. After spending a few months on land, I have decided to disclose some positive information concerning the mer race, which in our language is called "the fluc" (pronounced fluke). Some of these truths are obvious, and some people have never heard of before or have failed to mention in the many legends on our race. So, without further ado, here are 10 things you may or may not have known about merpeople.

1. Our skin (and hair) are flawless.

I see all these memes or articles that mention Ariel and how her hair should be super wet when she breaches on that rock during "Part of Your World," when in actuality, our hair and skin are technically perfect. Our time in the saltwater is actually super beneficial to our skin cells, and keeps our faces smooth as obsidian and our hair soft as seal pelt (BTW, lay off her, she's my second cousin).

2. We can travel wherever we want (duh).

I hope it would be assumed that, of course, because the ocean covers approximately 75 percent of the globe that we would be able to travel wherever we want. I can be in Fiji one night and quickly be off the coast of Ireland the next. It's that simple.

3. We get to choose our tail color.

Little known fact: until age 10, all of our tails are white. If there is a color that seems to follow us throughout our childhood or if there is a feeling that others most associate with us, then that is the color we choose. It is not predisposed nor hereditary, it depends solely on the fluc themselves. My tail is navy blue in case you were wondering, a color often associated with the color of the deep, and sailing.

4. There is a King Triton, but no one has seem him in a thousand years.

The sea god, Poseidon, did in fact have a son named Triton who took over for him once his three thousand year life was over. Triton was said to rule with an iron but fair fist that he only used when necessary. Because I haven't reached 200 years yet, no one will tell me the legend of what happened. There is a statue of him in every fluc family's garden and it actually looks very close to the Disney version.

5. We have families, just like you!

Yes! We have parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. All of our ages are on a different time table than humans, so it really depends on whose kid is who. After 1000, everyone stops counting because we age so well.

6. We eat seafood, too.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but it's true, we eat our fellow deep sea dwellers. What did you expect? There's no McDonald's or Starbucks down there, it's impossible. We make due with what we have which is a lot of fish and kelp. I am most partial to cod tacos with some crunchy shrimp tails thrown in there. Once I discovered that humans eat raw fish in the form of sushi, I was hooked.

7. We have special powers.

That's right people, we can manipulate any body of water we choose, which include but are not limited to the following: rain, clouds, sea water, rivers, lakes, puddles, etc. We can boil it, freeze it, shape it. We can also talk to any creature that lives in water at any point in its lifetime (yes, that means frogs count), and befriend them. A couple of my buddies back home are sunfish. We all play in a pick up sea tennis league during the summer currents; it's pretty fun.

8. We like shiny things.

I can't tell you how many dinglehoppers I have in my dorm room...I'm not kidding. I have forks all over the place. We all have our own favorite objects, and mine just happen to be forks. Any shiny thing will do really, but anything that helps me put food into my mouth AND has shine is definitely my favorite (see? I can say witty human things)

9. We do NOT like ocean pollution.

I'm not going to get all preachy on you, and you can look up all the statistics on your own, but seriously, this kills a lot of fluc. The way cigarettes and drugs kill humans, that's what trash and pollution does to us. The number one killer of my species is trash, above boating accidents and apex predators. Just don't do it, and if you didn't do it, still clean it up because it's everyone's earth, not just the humans'.

10. We LOVE to learn as much as possible about the world around us.

Our next most prized possessions after shiny thingamabobs are books. We write our stories and philosophies with squid ink on pages of kelp bound by spare rope from sunken ships. You guys thought you were curious looking for the Loch Ness monster and Big Foot (one of those two exist by the way, make your assumptions), boy do we have you beat. We have a book written by the very first fluc, who described the earth during the Precambrian period and how new the earth was. We really record everything.

Well, there you have it. Believe this article or not, it's up to you. This was solely my gift to the world of humans and I hope you learned a few things after reading. If you would like to know more or maybe have me do a series of articles with information about myself and my people, please comment, like, and share so I know there are enough of you reading!

Happy hair flipping, mortals.