Content warning: This article contains descriptions of rape/sexual assault.
So, I've been going to trauma therapy regularly for the past year and a half, and even though there are times I would literally rather have a root canal that I didn't need, I always end up leaving my therapist's office feeling a little better about life. I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, (PTSD), back when I was eighteen years old, and now that I'm 23, I've realized that my traumatic experiences started way before I got the official diagnosis. I was originally diagnosed with PTSD because of the fact that I had been sexually assaulted when I was fourteen years old, but looking back, there are earlier instances of trauma that my mind glossed over as I got older.
Trauma therapy helps me to safely and calmly go back to these instances and understand where some dysfunctional thought patterns started/how to fix these. The type of therapy that I'm a part of is known as EMDR therapy, and it's part talk therapy and part "brain rewiring" therapy. (Not the scientific term, but that's the best way to describe the process.)
With all of that being said, I wanted to share some lessons I've learned in therapy that I think everyone can benefit from.
1. Stop comparing yourself to other people
I have a big problem with comparing my own story and struggles to my friends' struggles, or lack thereof, and this is honestly hurtful to the healing process. I've learned that it's okay that I've gone through things that other people haven't. This is my story that I'm living, not anyone else's.
2. It's OK to not be OK
I'm so hard on myself that my amazing therapist has to remind me that it's OK to not be OK, sometimes. Life is hard enough as it is without feeling bad for feeling bad.
3. Use your "wise mind" instead of always acting from an emotional place
The concept of the "wise mind" is a therapeutic one, but this basically means that the emotional side of your brain and the rational side of your brain need to play nice in order to live the best life you can. Practicing this therapeutic skill isn't as easy as it may seem, but it's totally worth it.
4. You are not what happened to you
This one hits close to home every time I hear it because for years I used to think of my trauma as a personal identifier and this was an incredibly unhelpful way of thinking about myself. A person's trauma should not ever be any kind of personal identifier — our scars do not define who we are.
5. It's OK to be angry about your past, but eventually you have to let things go
This one is a lesson that I still have not fully mastered, but it's worth mentioning that feelings of anger after trauma are completely valid and oftentimes, fit the facts of the situation. But, staying angry with whomever only takes away from getting closure and finding your peace.
6. If possible, don't stay anywhere you're not wanted
This might seem like a no-brainer, but if you're like me, then you've probably been stuck in a lose-lose situation where walking away seems like the best option. Regardless of your situation, your peace of mind is worth way more than staying in a situation where you are not valued and/or respected.
7. Make a conscious effort to love yourself, even when it's hard
Okay, so this one is a little cheesy, but it's worth mentioning. Sometimes self-love is the most important coping mechanism that will make your situation a little bit more bearable.
8. Hold yourself accountable, but, don't beat yourself up
This one is another one of those skills that I have yet to master, but I've learned that it's important to simultaneously take responsibility for your own actions, while still managing to be kind and gentle with yourself. We're all human and we all make mistakes.
9. Just breathe. No, seriously, just breathe.
Take a step back from your current situation and give yourself the time and space necessary to take a breath. Chances are, you'll end up feeling a lot better if you give yourself some time away from your situation and let your mind and body relax for a bit.
10. As cliche as it sounds, eventually it will be ok
So, I used to be super skeptical of this one whenever I would hear it, but, there's actually a lot of truth here. Whatever you're going through will eventually run its course. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but someday, what you're going through won't seem as awful as it might seem at the current moment.
These are the lessons that I have learned from my time spent in trauma therapy, and, even if you don't have any traumatic experiences of your own, maybe these small pieces of advice would be useful to you in some way, shape, or form.
