We've all been to a restaurant with that one person who literally just doesn't know what they want to drink. Like, come one dude. We only have so many soda options and the world is not resting on your decision between getting a Coke or a water. These are just a few questions that every waiter or waitress have to endure on a daily basis.
1. You know that you know what you want to drink.
Like, come on, just order a water or something so that I'm literally not doing laps around the restaurant for this one table. It's cool if you order a beer later or something, but let's please not stare blankly at each other after I ask, "What can I get you to drink?"
2. Whether or not you want a kids menu.
We both know you have a sticky, messy (probably smelly) 2-year-old who already had their grubby fingers in the sugar caddy, who will probably order a grilled cheese, eat 2 bites then proceed to tear the remainder of the sandwich into small less-than-bite-sized pieces and throw them across the table. But in the hopes that they will quietly sit on their tush and color in an oddly shaped dinosaur, just ask me upfront for a coloring page.
3. If you need a high chair.
We also both see that 2-year-old is not going to sit for the entirety of the meal in a regular chair, so again, ask me upfront if you want a high chair.
4. If everyone in your party is here.
Like guys, I don't know if John from the neighborhood is coming or not. So let me know how many people I actually need to serve and set placings for, and just send him a quick text asking about his drink order, because believe it or not waitress doesn't get paid to walk back and forth between the kitchen and your table.
5. Don't. Even. Think. About. Asking. Me. What. Sides. You. Can. Order.
If your entree or sandwich says it comes with a side, guess what? It comes with a side. And if it comes with a side, you are responsible for picking a side and understanding that the sides are listed somewhere on the menu. Like it's not a scavenger hunt, nor a guessing game. Why would we not list the sides that are offered if we say we offer a side? That's dumb.
6. You know if you want a refill or not.
I'm not a mind reader, I'm a waitress. If I could read your mind, I would not be catering to your whiny ass and being paid $2.13 an hour with the hopes you might tip me 15%.
7. If you want extra dressing or dipping sauce.
Oh, now you want a side of ranch? After I delivered your food, asked if you needed anything, went back and got Jimmy extra napkins and NOW you want a side of ranch? OK.
8. How the check is going to be split.
You can be the hero of the day and cover the check yourself, I don't care, but when I come over and can we all please not look around at each other with shifty eyes hoping someone's going to take it all.
9. Who is on who's check.
As if it wasn't annoying already to try and wait on both your "adult" table and your "kids" table, I'm the one who's supposed to figure out which kid belongs to who? Yeah right.
10. If you want dessert or not.
No, I already printed the check, you cannot order dessert now.
