When I was seven years old, my parents told me that they had decided to get a divorce. It was something that they had been trying to avoid for months. At that point, they just couldn’t work through their differences anymore. I didn’t understand. My life was going to be so different. Who was I going to live with? What about our dog? Where would he go? Why couldn’t they just stay together and MAKE it work? My little, 7-year-old brain couldn’t wrap my head around any of it. Unfortunately for my family, the divorce between my parents was messy, and although not every divorce ends up like that, because of the mess between my parents, their divorce process took much, much longer than usual. Well, for the next five or so years, I learned why my parents couldn’t make it work and why that was actually for the better. I also learned to try to make the best of a crappy situation. Of course, it took me quite some time to get into the swing of things, especially when it came to living at two different houses and what not. However, like everything I’ve experienced in my life, I’ve come to realize that my parent’s divorce taught me so much more than I expected the day they told me they were ending their marriage.
Here are the top 10 things that my parents' divorce taught me.
1. How to be an excellent packer.
Going from house to house was a challenge. Especially during my teen years. However, from traveling to my dad’s house every Wednesday and every other weekend, I learned how to pack pretty well. It definitely came in handy when I started traveling because, you know, I had the experience.
2. That just because your friends thought you were spoiled, didn’t really mean you were spoiled.
When my parents got divorced, that meant holidays and birthdays were getting divorced, too, which essentially meant that I got double the parties. However, my friends didn’t realize that just because there were two parties, didn’t mean that I was getting double the presents. They just assumed I was spoiled. Having two parties just for my birthday sounded awesome, but once that day came around, I realized that my entire family couldn’t be together at the same time anymore, and having one party with all of them there definitely sounded better than having two.
3. How to manage my time.
When it came time to holidays, the way it worked for my family was half the time was spent with my mom and half the time was spent with my dad. In the beginning, it wasn’t supposed to work out like that. My mom was supposed to get a holiday and then my dad would get the next and so on and so forth. However, my parents were able to maintain some positive communication and allowed us to spend around the same amount of time with each side of the family. At a young age, I learned what it was like to be ready on the dot when either one of my parents came to pick me up. Now that I’m 21, it’s safe to say that the divorce taught me some pretty stellar time management skills and I can easily say that I’m typically always on time for things.
4. How to be a manipulative little s#%!.
Admitting this one is a little rough. But honestly, when I learned the ropes of divorce, I learned how easily it was to pit my parents against each other to get what I wanted. If my dad said no, then I would call mom. If my mom said no, I would call dad- it was as simple as that. I used what I could to make things go in my favor. Whether it was wanting to have a sleepover, or go to a movie, if one parent said no, chances are the other one would say yes. It was extremely easy for me to get what I wanted and although this isn’t necessarily something positive that I gained from my experience, it was definitely something that got me through my rough time—even though I became a little brat for a while.
5. Your parents will probably start dating again and that’s OK!
When I met my mom’s first boyfriend after the divorce, I was pissed. And the same thing happened when I met my dad’s first new girlfriend. I still couldn’t get over the fact that my parents were SUPPOSED to be together. I wanted my parents to find their way back to each other, not into the arms of someone else. But giving me some time, I adjusted to my parent’s new dating life. They were becoming happy again and honestly, that’s all that really mattered. You’re allowed to be hesitant at first. It’s not an easy thing to grasp or get over. But eventually, you will have to let your parents find their happiness again, and that may mean they won’t find their way back to one another. Just remember that that is OK!
6.Step siblings can be pretty cool…sometimes.
All kidding aside, my step siblings have been some of the coolest people that I’ve ever met. When first meeting my step-sister, I didn’t like her. I didn’t want to hang out with her. And I definitely didn’t want my dad sharing his time with her. However, we got the chance to experience growing up together, and getting in trouble together, and we learned to love each other like we were related by blood.
7. Your parents want the best for you—whether it seems like that or not.
Everything that my parents did around the time of the divorce was obviously in the interest of me and my brother. For the most part, it didn’t seem like that, but now that I’ve had time to grow up and reflect upon all of the choices that my parents made, I was able to learn that everything they did was so my brother and I could have a happy life.
8. Siblings are the best support system that you can get.
Whenever you experience a hard time, it’s sometimes difficult for others to relate because they just don’t know how you feel or they haven't been in a similar situation. However, in this type of situation, your siblings know exactly how you feel because they’re experiencing the same thing. During the divorce period, I learned that my brother was someone I could lean on when things got rocky, and to this day, I know he’ll always be the person protecting me from everything that he can.
9. IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.
For a really long time, I asked myself if the divorce could have been because of me. Maybe if I acted differently when they were together, they wouldn’t have had to separate. Maybe this, maybe that- I asked myself every question imaginable and with each question, I grew more and more upset. Now that I’m 21, I realize that there was absolutely nothing that my 7-year-old self could’ve done differently to make them stay together. I finally learned that this had absolutely nothing to do with my behavior and there was nothing I could do to change it. I have finally accepted that it isn’t my fault, and if you’re going through something similar, or you’ve already experienced it, I hope you know that it isn’t your fault, either.
10. It’s OK that things couldn’t work out because honestly it was for the better.
When my parents dropped the ball about their divorce plans, I thought that my life was over. I didn’t know how to accept the news and I was worried that people would have something negative to say about it (which a lot of people surprisingly did.) But now that I’m older, I have seen how my parents have grown and changed from when they were together. I’ve learned that good things can come from a bad situation. And in both of my parent’s cases, that’s exactly what happened. They both took the good from the bad and they’ve made their lives work ever since. I’m proud to say that my parents made the right decision about getting divorced and thanks to that, some pretty awesome things have happened in all of our lives.
