In a world where grammar is atrocious and 99.9% of all people lack the ability to use the correct form of their, there, or they're, there exists a separate breed of person. One who can communicate effectively, look at problems and situations in critical and creative ways, and one that still takes the time to read the book instead of just seeing the movie.
We call these people.... ENGLISH MAJORS.
And they're super exciting and generally awesome people. However, this breed of person, myself included, is constantly subjected to any number of questions, comments, and unfounded speculations about our choice of major. Our major is ridiculously undervalued, as are the talents that we develop because of it.
And to be honest, there are very few things that we hate more than constantly hearing these 10 things when we're meeting new people or talking about college or life in general.
1. "Oh, are you going to be a teacher?"
No ma'am, I'm actually writing the great American novel. Obviously.
While this question might seem logical and fair considering that a lot of people do use their English majors to become teachers, it's a lot like nails on a chalkboard for those of us who would rather be writers or editors or lawyers.
The question itself implies that there is nothing else useful that can be done with an English major, which brings me to my next point.
2. "What are you gonna do with that?!"
Are you kidding?
There are endless possibilities for someone with a degree in English. Besides reading and analyzing a lot of amazing literature, we also develop communication skills that are in high demand on the job market right now. Need me to read through a report or file, take clear and concise notes, summarize the most important highlights, and have it on your desk in an hour? No problem.
3. "Doesn't that really just mean you've read more books than everyone else?"
Thank you very much for belittling my major by assuming that all we do is sit around and read books all day.
On the contrary, becoming an English major didn't push me over the edge into "I've read more books than you" territory. I was there long before college. English majors often decide to be English majors because of their love for literature and the widely indistinguishable human condition portrayed in books.
4. "I think I'm going to take an English elective just for fun. They sound cool and I need easy credits."
Just because the class is called "Game of Thrones" doesn't mean it's all fun and games. I'd like to see you draw connections between a Middle English manuscript and this fan-fiction picture of Beowulf.
5. "Don't you think that sometimes when the curtains are blue, the author just wanted there to be blue curtains?"
DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?!
Oh right you don't.
The beauty of all literature is that it's open for interpretation. Authors can come out and officially make a ruling about something, but especially for old literature that was written too long ago to have any surviving authors, it's all about what you get out of the text and why, as well as whether or not you can back up your assertions.
6. "So you're okay with not making any money?"
Let's call up Stephen King and Toni Morrison how studying English turned out for their bank accounts.
7. "Who is your favorite author?"
Why are you making me choose? How could I possibly choose?!
8. "You probably hate listening to me talk. I'm terrible at grammar and I say 'like' and 'um' a lot."
It's not just you. It's almost everyone. And don't worry I'm correcting you silently.
9. "Could you edit this?"
Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope.
Well, maybe. But only if you pay me.
10. "*Insert Book Name Here* is so stupid and pointless. Why do we even have to read these books?"
You're stupid and pointless. GAHD.
