Every spring, college campuses around the nation seem to be overcome by the same epidemic- tour groups. With the school year winding down, high school juniors decide now's the time to start seriously considering where they're going to head off to come to all too quickly approaching graduation day.
And so Mom, Dad, student, and little brother pile into the van for a college road trip. They pick a geographical region and map out all the prospective schools remotely nearby and schedule back to back to back tours at every one of them. It's such an exciting time for these juniors, scoping out new places, imagining themselves sprawled out on a beautiful quad laughing with friends and throwing a frisbee. Their excitement in palpable. They go through the tours not sure where too look next, there is too much to take in at one time. Dad says something "dad-ish" and his daughter's face turns bright red. Little brother is beyond bored so Mom has to keep him quiet with some ice cream while Dad continues to ask the tour guide one hundred and one questions. Ah yes, the good old days of college tours.
But if there is one thing current college students hate, it's these college tours. As soon as the weather is nice enough to actually enjoy our walk to class, the sidewalks become infested with these doe-eyed high schoolers staring up in amazement, walking right into passersby. Getting caught behind a group is a nightmare and will most definitely make you late for class. Dining halls become a battlefield as there are no extra seats for these extra 50 bodies. The girls are dressed nicer than they ever will be once they are an actually students here- there is no need to pack half of your clothes girl, you will live in a t-shirt and shorts. It's hard to imagine that a few short years ago that was us, starry-eyed and full of wonder- until college sucked the life right out of us. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration but you're lying if you haven't considered going up to a tour group and telling them one of the following truths.
1. Classes suck.
Long gone are the days of finishing your homework during your lunch period and studying for 20 minutes the night before. This is the big leagues and no matter how smart you may have been in high school, these classes require real time and effort. Annoying, I know.
2. We don't go out every night.
Or at least those of us passing our classes don't. It's a hard thing to learn but you're gonna have to be able to choose the library over the bar sometimes...but most of the time you can still choose the bar.
3. Your dorm is going to be far from your classes.
And no, the bus system is not super easy to navigate. Make sure you have comfortable sneakers and maybe practice your power walk this summer.
4. The food is questionable at best.
Sure we have a Chick-Fil-A and Wendy's and Starbucks! But that all costs real money, not dining plan money. If you don't feel like dolling out the cash every day (which trust me, you won't) you're going to find your diet consists of mainly cereal, pizza, and cookies. But hey, is that so bad?
5. Your professors are not going to know your name.
The majority of your classes freshman year will be 400 person lectures with a professor that barely speaks English. But this will get better, I can attest.
6. The people here are weird.
Like wearing a Viking helmet to class, riding a unicycle, never heard of Twisted Teas weird. They will be nothing like your high school friends-at all. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing is up to you.
7. Hug your parents.
And never let them go because you may hate them now but two weeks into first semester you're going to be calling your mom asking her to come pick you up. Trust me.
8. Save your change.
You'll be glad you did when you're scraping together quarters and trying to decide whether to spend your last $10 on food or of cheap vodka. Decisions, decisions.
9. You are most likely not going to find your husband here.
I mean unless you like fratty guys that have the body of your dad and care more about their appearance than you do. Or super skinny hipster guys whose sexuality you question. If those aren't your type, keep looking honey.
10. This place is actually pretty great.
For every all-nighter in the library, there's an all nighter out with your new best friends. For every sucky class, there's a professor that actually makes you excited to learn. For every pang of homesickness, there's a new memory you make here that you will savor for the rest of your life.
But instead, let's hold our tongues and walk around the tour group. They can find all this out for themselves.
