11 Things Black Men Can't Do If They Don't Want To Be Gay

11 Things Black Men Can't Do If They Don't Want To Be Gay

Clearly, this is satire.

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There are some traits of toxic masculinity that I will never be able to understand, and quite honestly would be deal breakers for me in a relationship.

This idea that everyday things can make or "mean" someone is gay is incomprehensible. One's sexual orientation is decided at birth, no one flips flops and most everyday activities are in fact, genderless.

I recently came across an old article about the former J. Crew president, Jenna Lyons. She and J. Crew published a photo in an ad with her and her son. In the photo, Lyons was painting her toddler's toenails. The conversation obviously went left as people felt as though her sons' gender development and sexual orientation would be altered, even though scientific studies have said otherwise.

When I myself looked at the add, I saw a toddler who wanted to paint his toenails because he sees his mom do it. It also prompted me to look up the history of nail painting.

According to the web, it was developed in China around 300 B.C and was used in China and then Egypt for class distinction. Rich people wore reds, while poor people wore beige colors. There was nothing about it being for solely for girls.
We as a society decided that this thing we created should just be for girls, but if a child doesn't know or can't comprehend the history of something so frivolous before doing it, how can it speak to (or change) his or her sexual orientation?

This made me think of a handful of other simple things we have allowed ourselves to "gender" when we really didn't need to.

1. Eat bananas.

..without cutting them up into bite sized pieces first. If you can eat a banana the normal way, you probably like to suck dick too. This counts for popsicles and lollipops too. As a matter of fact, stay away from eating anything rectangular or oblong in shape. I know you see the correlation.

2. Wash their ass.

If you are willing to run a soapy rag through your butt cheeks to make sure there isn't poop (from the time you pooped and didn't wipe properly because that's also gay), or some sort of fungus growing back there, then you will probably put anything in your butt...and by "anything," I mean another man's penis. Again, I know you see the correlation.

3. Be vegan/vegetarian or just like vegetables.

Kale is a big no-no! Being raised to eat properly and having the desire to live a healthy life isn't manly at all. In fact, morbid obesity, illnesses like high cholesterol and diabetes, and having a smelly stomach are sexy as hell to women.

4. Be a nurse, teacher or anything that involves caring for other people.

Being able to medically help people, while making decent money is one of the most un-manly things I have ever heard of.

5. Have female or gay friends.

It's not possible for a man to be friends with someone they don't want to have sex with. You're gay if you have platonic friendships with women or gay men in your crew.

6. Not feel uncomfortable around gay or trans men in general.

If you can hang around gay men and not think they want to have sex with you, you're nuts! If you even want to hang out around gay men, you're gay too. There's no way you can just enjoy the company of another people who you get along with or who has the same interests are you without it involving sex or sexuality.

7. Be too fashionable

Manly men don't care about how they look. "Rub some dirt on it." And real women (the ones with long hair) will think you you secretly want to be a girl, if you like to look and smell good. No need to upstate your wardrobe, have shoes that aren't sneakers and a tie.

8. Get a colonoscopy or prostate exam.

Again, doing anything that involves your butt is reserved for gay men. Putting things in their butt is what the entirety of their lives revolve around. Just pray away any polyps and cancerous tumors, and I'm sure you'll be fine. That rectal pain and bleeding will surely take care of itself...

9. Date women with short hair.

Women with short hair clearly want to be men, so if you are dating a woman whose sexuality isn't dependent on something mainstream femininity has deemed important, then you may as well just be with someone who has a penis.

10. Support Feminist movements.

You simply can't. If women wind up socially, politically and economically equal to men, they would ruin everything and make you wear dresses.

11. Seek justice for women who have been sexually abused or mistreated.

Because that would mean you understand and respect a woman's consent and control of her own body, and that you can actively relate this to women that don't happen to be your mother, sister or daughter.

It's time to restructure what we consider the traits of a strong man.

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What Losing Someone To Suicide Really Feels Like.

In Loving Memory of Andrew Allen Boykin (1997-2015)

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A word that describes what it feels like to lose someone to suicide? That doesn't exist. It's actually a whole jumbled up pool of emotions. Almost unbearable comes to mind, but that still doesn't quite cover it. You never think it'll happen to someone you know, much less a family member.

Let me start off by telling you about my experience. I was up late one night studying for a big nursing test I had the next morning. My phone started ringing, and I automatically assumed it was my boyfriend who knew I would still be up at midnight. It wasn't, though. It was my mother, who usually goes to bed before 10 every night. I knew something bad had happened.

"Mama, what's wrong?" I could hear her crying already. "Baby, Andrew shot himself," my mother then told me. I flooded her with questions. Where? Is he okay? Why was he playing around with a gun this late? What happened? She then said, "No, baby, he killed himself."

Disbelief

Disbelief was my first reaction. No, that couldn't be true. Not my Andrew. Not my 17-year-old, crazy, silly, cousin Andrew. Not the kid who eats sour Skittles while we walk through Walmart and then throws away the pack before we get to the register. Not the kid who, while we all lay in the floor in Grandma's living room, is constantly cracking jokes and telling us stories about how he's a real ladies' man. This can't be real. I'm gonna go home and it is all just gonna be a mix-up.

Confusion

It wasn't, though. I sat in the home of my grandparents, with the rest of my family, confused. We tried to go over what could have caused him to do it. Was it a girl? Did we do something wrong? He acted normal. Nothing seemed off, but I guess nobody will ever truly know.

Anger

For a minute there I was mad. How could he do this? Did he not know what this would do to everyone? So many people loved him. I just couldn't understand, but I wasn't Andrew. How could I understand?

Regret

Regret was my next feeling. Why didn't I do more? What could I have done? How did I not notice he was hurting so bad? There wasn't anyone who knew, though. For the longest time, I told myself that I should have texted him more or just made sure he knew I loved him. In the end, I always realize that there wasn't anything I could have done and that he knew I loved him.

Pain

The funeral was almost insufferable. A church filled with people who loved Andrew. People that would never get to see him or hear his laugh again. The casket was closed and the whole time all I could think about was how I just wanted to hold his hand one last time. My brother, who spent almost every weekend with Andrew since they were little, didn't even want to go inside. They were only a year and a half apart. At one point he just fell to the ground in tears. This kind of pain is the heart-breaking kind. The pain of picking a 15-year-old off the ground when he hurts so bad he can't even go on anymore.


Heartache

This led to heartache. I thought so much about how his life was way too short. He would never get to graduate high school or go to college. He would never get his first grown-up job. He'd never get married or have children. Dwelling on these thoughts did some major damage to my heart. We missed him. We wanted him back, but we could never go back to how things were.

Numbness

For a while after, I could honestly say I was numb. It had hurt so much I think my body shut down for a little while. That disbelief would pop up again and I would forget it was real. I'd try to block out the reminders but that doesn't really work. Every time I see sour Skittles I think about him, or wear this certain pair of earrings he'd always try to get me to give him.

Longing

This past week marked a whole year since he passed away. What am I feeling now? Still all of these things plus a little more. Longing is a good word. I miss him every day and wish so much that he was still here with us. I'll see little reminders of him and smile or laugh. We had so many good memories, and I could never forget those or him. That's what I cling to now. That was my Andrew.


In Loving Memory of Andrew Allen Boykin (1997-2015)

"If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever."


If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

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What It Is Really Like Having Sisters Close To Your Age

While having siblings close to your age is pretty amazing, there can be a lot of issues that can come with it.

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I come from a family of 5 people and 1 dog. I have 2 sisters, Grace and Caroline. We are all pretty close in age, Caroline being the youngest and 3 years younger than me.

My sisters and I share a bond like no one else, no one can replicate it. When you have siblings close to your age you have built-in best friends, and since they are around your age you have the same interest, or at least, enough so that you can do things that other siblings cannot. Examples of this would be seeing R-Rated movies and going to the mall without too much complaining, along with being able to shop in the same stores or even share clothes. Grace and I sometimes even split the cost of a shirt we both like.

We even overlap friend groups! Which is not much of a problem for us, Grace and I are both in music programs which overlap enough for us to have the same friends, which is great for when one of us has a sleepover, the other can join in on the fun. Caroline, however, even though she is seen as the sporty one of the 3 of us, she still has a lot of friends who have similar interests as Grace or I, giving us a lot of the same friends. It's nice not to be considered the "cool older sister", I am just like the rest of them.

While we do fight a lot, we make up really quickly, because most issues we have are stupid sibling fights: who gets the T.V., what to have for dinner, what movie to see. But it is always fun because there are 3 of us, which means majority rules, something we tend to go by most of the time depending on the situation.

Having 3 teenagers in the house can be a handful for our parents though, when you have three teenage girls going through puberty at relatively the same time, it can be grueling, especially when you are all on your period at the same time.. (yes, that has happened before) (and yes, it sucks). While I am on the topic, let's say a prayer and a thank you to my dad for dealing with 5 girls (including the dog, obviously) because he does a pretty damn good job at dealing with all of us.

When we were younger, we always had a play date even when one was canceled. We all made up songs and dances and would perform them for our parents. We even had a band called The Halsey Sisters (AKA the female version of The Jonas Brothers) where we had a hit song called "We Got The Heart and Soul". It was a hell of a time. Let's just say the music video for that song is, interesting to say the least.

At the end of the day, I wouldn't switch my sisters for anything in the world, they are my rocks, and I wouldn't want it any other way, Grace, Caroline, keep doing what you're doing, because you're pretty damn awesome.

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