Three months, nine weeks, 89 days. That is the amount of time I have until college graduation, until I am thrust out of the educational bubble and onto the streets of adulthood. I will admit it, even typing those few sentences got me a little sweaty. Senior year is an interesting time. On one hand, you care a lot less about grades and class attendance and you have gotten used to how professors deal with things; but on the other, the mounting pressures of the real world loom upon you 24/7. Words like internships, interviews, and school loans all take on a more serious, real meaning in your life; and people constantly asking you what you are doing after graduation does not help one bit. Here are some things people need to stop saying to us stressed, strung out seniors.
1. So -- got a job lined up?
Nope. No. Nah. I don’t. I will probably just live on the streets and beg. Thank you for asking.
2. How are you going to pay off those loans?
For those lucky few who have wealthy parents who can afford a full college tuition, congrats to you. For the rest of us, the answer is probably something like this: “Uh, I don’t know. I’ll probably just sell my internal organs! Haha!”
3. Don’t tell me you’re gonna move back in with your parents!
Yeah, maybe I am gonna live with my mom and dad. While you are paying $800 for rent, I get my own room and Cheez-Its whenever I want.
4. Do you have any internship experience?
Maybe, maybe not. But, really, what is the point of this question, other than to make people feel bad about sitting on their butts doing nothing during their last semester? Maybe I just wanted to relax.
5. You need to turn your Twitter, Facebook and Instagram on private. Actually, just delete them all and never enjoy social media again. You’ll never get a job with what you’re tweeting.
I know, I know. Sometimes I like to make funny jokes on Twitter. Relax. Some company will enjoy my acerbic wit and irreverent attitude, thank you very much. Or maybe I’ll never get hired. Who knows.
6. Make your resume super unique.
I always hold my tongue on this one. What do you want me to do, make a One Direction song play any time someone touches the paper? Should I pull an Elle Woods and make the thing scented? Somehow make it 3D? Say I worked for NASA for 10 years before applying for this job? Give me a break.
7. “What are you gonna do with that major?”
As an English major, this question comes up approximately 600, 700 times a week. “Oh, English?Interesting. So, you wanna teach?” No, I do not want to teach. Just because I’m not pre-med does not mean I have zero job opportunities.
8. “Do you have a lot of professional contacts?”
Uhhh…my mom? I don’t know. If getting a job is all about who you know, many of us introverts are soundly screwed.
9. Go buy a nice professional pants suit or skirt for interviews. Appearance is super important.
I don't have any money.
10. Are you ready for the real world?
Real world? What have I been living in for the past 21 years? A fake world? Why didn't anyone tell me? But to answer your question, hell nah.
