Years ago, there were a couple songs I would listen to when I was depressed. It may be hard to listen to now but I still listen to it sometimes. My emotions from each song came back when I listened for the first time years later and remembered myself how I was in a particular situation but it's only to see how far I've come. I'm much stronger now, at least I feel like I am.

Songs I've cried to, especially in the schools' bathroom and some songs might be current but it reflected my situation or a song I feel is talking to the past me.

1. Ally – Danny Padilla

This song came out in 2016 and it's like he's narrating the song and speaking to Ally directly. When he says "Ally, I'm too scared to tell your momma I don't know where you've gone." It's like she has run away but he doesn't know how to tell her mom she ran away; nor does he know where she is either and he's scared of the reaction. That is how I analyzed the song.

This song reminds me of a time when I went to a career center the same time I was in high school. I always went to the hiking trail next to school and thought, "oh, what if I ran away from the world, would it matter?" I'm just one person that didn't really value myself at the time.

2. Lilo – Lauren Aquilina

In the past, my mindset was that I was annoying and maybe that's why no one wanted to talk to me. I was really self-conscious about how I was speaking to people. Sometimes, I still am but don't pay it much attention like I used to.

3. My Side of the Story – Hodges

I found this song in one of the episodes of Criminal Minds. I remember Emily Prentiss, one of the characters, was going through a hard time and was looking up at the sky while it was dark and snowing. one of the lyrics "Cold wind blows, I am shivering, my body aches, as my heart is breaking.

Why is life making me hollow? Why is happiness casting me in the shadows?" This line spoke to me because it felt like the darkness, the feeling of not having anyone to speak to will always stay. I didn't have any hope nor did I see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I just thought, what if I held my head underwater for longer than 10 seconds to forget the pain but it was just a thought and not a reality.

4. Steven – Jake Miller

This song is about a kid who was was going through a lot but not many people knew. He slowly ran out of things to believe in and at the end of the song, he wrote a suicide note. I remember listening to this song and bawled my eyes out.

Not many songs would have an effect on me like this song did. I know people I associated with were harming themselves but they stopped. I always wondered about the pain and suffering they probably had while self-harming. Especially when I asked how they were doing but their words stayed the same, "I'm fine."

5. Her Last Words – Courtney Parker

A soul who was suffering and when she told someone she was down, they let it slip as if she'll be ok. She might've had a smile but her eyes were telling a different story and was self-harming. No one knew how much pain she was enduring because she was hiding it, trying to stay strong and carry on like there was nothing wrong.

I can relate to this song because I felt I had to stay strong and keep a smile and there was no reason I had to burden others with my problems. I felt like I was drowning and wanted to be saved but I'd rather save myself from negativity and try to be mentally, emotionally and physically stable.

6. When She Cries – Britt Nicole

Another song that says a soul is trying to survive the day but she tries to find her way through the dark.

7. Ghost – Jake Miller

"This one's for the kids who walk around with their hoodies up. No one to talk to and on the verge of giving up, same shit, different day nothing seems to work out. Headphones on always trying to tune the world out."

This lyric spoke to me the most. I remember when I was depressed and feeling lonely, I had my hoodie up until I was in class. When I was on the verge of tears, I had my hoodie up so no one could see how much I was hurting or I would go into the bathroom and let my tears flow.

I was listening to music whenever class wasn't in session or if I was in class working on the computer. I listened so I couldn't hear people's laughter or the way people gossiped about me.

8. So Cold – Ben Cocks

"When you'd told me you'd leave, I felt like I couldn't breathe."

Going through life, wondering why all your ex-friends left without saying a word can bring up insecurities. It has happened but I'm so much better without them. They were all toxic and I'd rather fill my day with happiness instead of fear.

9. You Don't Know – Katelyn Tarver

"I'm so tired of sitting here waiting, if I hear one more just be patient. It's always gonna stay the same. So let me just give up, let me just let go."

I wonder if I didn't feel like I could change my life or if I let myself continue to walk through darkness, who would know what I would've done. There was a lot of things I did because of it and that could've gotten me in danger. I'm thankful my life had gotten better and I'm glad that I can wake up with a smile on my face. Sure, it'll be hard to smile on some days but wiping off a smile off of somebody permanently is the worst thing you can do.

10. Make Me Wanna Die – The Pretty Reckless

I was going through a lot, mainly because of the people who saw me suffering but didn't say a thing or didn't care. To those who bullied, ridiculed me and made me feel worthless and because of that, I saw myself that way. No one would believe me when I said so-and-so said this because it wasn't just a group of girls – it was mostly everyone in my grade or those that associated with them. Them meaning the "popular kids."

I felt like I was drowning because I didn't have a soul who felt like they cared, besides my parents of course, but I kept to myself for years. I thought I could handle it on my own but it did break me. Now that I am in college, what happened in the past will stay there. But I will never forgive. I just wish everyone the best.

Although I don't feel this way anymore, I still listen and reflect on everything that has happened. I will always remind myself that I'm stronger than I seem. Everyone is stronger than they seem, they just don't know it yet.