As a person who completes tasks at completely the last minute (like this article that you’re reading right now…), I find myself often working under intense pressure to meet deadlines with very little time to do so. I’m sure that I’m not the only person on planet Earth to procrastinate at certain points in time, however, if somehow you’re unsure if you are indeed a “pro” at procrastinating, here are ten signs that you are one.
1. You have an unnatural obsession with staring at clocks.
Clockwork Orange anyone? JK, not everyone stares at clocks like that… I hope. Anywho, as a procrastinator, you notice that you’re constantly checking what time it is to measure out how much time you have left to procrastinate further before your next deadline. Or, perhaps you’re looking to see how screwed you are in completing your next deadline. It’s possible to do both of these at the same time, so watch the clock at your own peril.
2. That next Black Mirror episode seems very appealing.
Ah, Netflix. And Hulu. And Amazon Prime Video. And HBO GO, and about a bazillion other video streaming services. They’re always there to help us procrastinators not stay on top of things. You can always count on binge-watching your favorite TV shows to distract you from studying for that dreaded midterm… or that next speech you have to write and present… or that email you have to write to a colleague...or… wait, hold up! Did Netflix just add a new comedy special featuring Ricky Gervais? Alright, I’m sold!
3. You look for any excuse to hang out with friends, family, even your dog.
Friends: “Hey, wanna go to the mall and get lunch?”
Mom: “Can you go to the store and get some milk?”
You: “Sure mom!”
Dog: *curls up on your lap, falls asleep*
You, thinking: “Damn, now I can’t get up to get my laptop so I can start my homework! I’ll just wait here then.”
4. Food: A Procrastinator’s BFF.
Sometimes, you just gotta dedicate a half hour to eating every three hours. Oh wait, not everyone does that? No, just me? Okay fam.
5. Sleeping… Duh!
Why bother stressing out about stuff when you can just sleep and feel well rested after a five-hour nap? Naps are glorious! So take one! Or two…
6. Lists? Pssh, ain’t nobody got time for that!
As a slightly responsible human being, you know (or should know) that making “To Do” lists is a great way to remember everything you gotta do. And yet, for master procrastinators, To Do lists are simply decoration for your vision board since you’re distracted by literally anything else in the universe.
7. The Internet is your oasis.
Need I remind you that we live in a golden age of technology? You can be distracted by the infinite amount of content offered online. Social media, the news, the latest Panic! At the Disco music video and tour dates; I mean literally anything can distract you! Enough said.
8. You suddenly take up new hobbies when you know you shouldn’t.
Always wanted to learn how to knit? Take up knitting while you’re supposed to pay your phone bill (last month). Feel as if your messy room is a reflection of your crappy, unorganized life? Guess what, you’re the next Monica Geller! Wanna go to Toys R US before they go out of business for good and buy random toy puzzles to occupy your Friday night? Do it! (Fun Fact: I did that last Friday and don’t regret it one bit.)
9. You keep telling yourself “I’m really gonna get on top of my shit this time”... Like really? Nice Try :P
You tell everyone - your friends, classmates, professors, bosses, pets, neighbors, hell even baristas - that you’re finally gonna start to get organized and get your life back on track by swearing off procrastination forever. You say that, but does that happen? Yeah nah, once you’re a master procrastinator, you’re one for life honey.
10. JK, You’re Finally Getting Shit Done… Right?
Of course, I could be wrong entirely here, and perhaps you actually are getting your crap together. Perhaps you’ve managed to avoid succumbing to being a professional procrastinator and are indeed quite the opposite. Perhaps you’re great at time management and have your life in order. In that case, if you actually do, please tell me your ways! I’m a twenty-year-old sophomore college student who still feels like a fifteen-year-old high schooler for Pete’s sake! Tell me your ways, seriously!
Until the day happens where procrastination is a thing of the past, I’ll happily assume that you are a fellow procrastinator looking for validation by simply clicking to read this article. We all procrastinate, it’s just human nature, so rejoice procrastinators of the world! Now that I got that out of my system, I’m gonna try to get on top of my shit and do some homework… or do some more binge-watching, whichever comes first.