If you’re Patrick Star and living under a rock, there is a chance you've never heard about the terrible drought currently plaguing California. Otherwise, just like the rest of the United States, you know the truth:

If you live in California, you’re going to recognize these struggles; if you don’t, then you’re going to understand why, for the first time ever, all your Californian friends are begging to visit you, even if you live in middle of nowhere (read: anywhere else. Seriously, someone help me out here and send some water.)

1. Five-minute showers

No. Not five minute showers that turn into ten minutes and then twenty minutes. Five minutes or your parents are shutting the water off.

2. There’s a bucket in the shower to catch the water

When you take a shower, you let all that cold water flush down the drain until it warms up. When I take a shower I put a bucket in the shower to catch that perfectly good and wonderful water to water the plants later or even flush the toilet.

3. Yellow is mellow; if it’s brown, flush it down

Gross? Well no need to waste precious water by flushing your pee every time. Did you know if your toilet fills with enough water, it flushes itself down? (That shower bucket seems mighty helpful now, doesn’t it?)

4. Paper/plastic dishware

Actual image from my very own kitchen

No need to keep using the dishwasher when you have paper/plastic plates. Sure it’s bad for the environment, but you want to know what is also bad for the environment? NO WATER!

5. Succulent plants

The local, city and state government will pay you to tear up your gorgeous, water-sucking, green lawn for a lovely, dry, cactus filled front porch.

(Someone send help.)

6. Water days

I’m allowed to water my plants Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. Some people only get twice a week and others still get only once a week. Now that succulent lawn doesn’t seem like a bad idea, huh?

7. Fines

All of the fines. I have to reduce my water intake by 36%. If I don’t, I get a fine. If I water my plants on Monday, it’s a fine. If I decide to wash my car, another fine. If a faucet or sprinkler head is leaking, that also could result in a fine.

8. When it rains—rarely and barely—there’s a bucket outside to catch the water

Yeah, another bucket. Listen, whenever there is free water, you bet your ass we Californians are going to do whatever we can to get it. That joy is real people.

9. Restaurants don’t serve water

This is pretty standard fare for most Californians by now, but just a reminder for everyone else: restaurants will only give you water if you ask for it.

10. Everything is brown

When I flew into LAX, I knew immediately how much this drought has affected California. From the air, you can see it all. The brown lawns that stretch out for miles, the usual snow capped mountains bare and dry, and the smog sitting heavy over LA. We’re in for one hell of a drought, so for the last time, WILL SOMEONE PLEASE FLY ME OUT OF HERE?!