Congratulations. You've survived another semester at whatever mediocre school you are attending in some state that no one lives in nor cares about. After periling though months of having to pretend to be polite and not roll your eyes when people say "y'all", you are finally preparing to return back to your home state, the happiest place on Earth, New Jersey. You barely pass your finals, throw all of your dirty laundry in a duffle bag, and make a mad dash for the bus stop. All of your friends are sad to leave school and go home, but you know thats just because they are from dumb places like Nebraska. You, on the other hand, are actually kind of pumped to head back. Your pals are confused as to why. Here is why.
1. Pizza
Yeah, Papa John's will get the job done at 3 a.m. on a Saturday, but in order to be able to stomach pizza while sober, it needs to be from that little place in your hometown that is owned by a super Italian guy whose name you can't pronounce.
2. Taylor Ham
The holy grail of all breakfast meats, taylor ham is a hidden gem that somehow has gone undiscovered by residents of other states. Instead of stopping at your own home, your force your father to stop at your local bagel place to get a a THEC.
3. The Shore
Even if you don't live near the water, you have to appreciate the fact that some of your classmates from the more bizarre parts of the country, like Nebraska, have never seen the ocean. From the griminess of Seaside to the beauty of Long Branch, you love it all.
4. Pork Roll
A synonym for Taylor Ham used by people from South Jersey.
5. Rude people
As much as you love your polite and well bred friends from school, sometimes you need a good slap in the face in order to keep yourself together. There are no people like New Jerseyans to keep you both angry and content. At the same time.
6. Taylor Ham, Egg, and Cheese
A delicious bagel sandwich made using Taylor Ham.
7. Diners
Drunk at 2 a.m. with your friends? Here, have some pancakes!
8. Pork Roll, Egg, and Cheese
A delicious bagel sandwich made using Pork Roll, which is a synonym for Taylor Ham used by people from South Jersey.
9. Not pumping my own gas
The idea of pumping gas terrifies me. I think I read an article once about a girl whose sweater caught on fire because she was pumping gas while wearing a sweater with a ton of static electricity. I think. Regardless, I don't want to have to get out of my car when its raining.
10. ...Taylor Ham
Did I stutter?
