Okay, now don't take this the wrong way. I'm not saying that New Jersey is any better than Nebraska. But in reality, that's exactly what I am saying. And here is why Nebraska really blows.
1. Who the hell names their school the Cornhuskers?
Like come on, at least choose something that is remotely interesting. Husking corn sounds like something my grandfather did. But really, who still husks corn? If you, or anyone you know, still husks their own corn please shoot me an email. I would love to meet you.
2. Nebraska is always the state I forgot.
Whenever I had to take tests on the fifty states and where they were, I always forgot Nebraska. I even remembered Iowa, but Nebraska always slipped right by me.
3. It is so cold.
Like honestly... if you are outside, husking corn, in that weather, you aren't going to be alive for too long.
4. Ben Franklin himself said, "Ayo, Miami beats Nebraska. Every time," and it really doesn't get any more American than that folks.
5. I just finished watching Interstellar, and I swear at the end of the movie Matthew McConaughey said "Miami, you will beat Nebraska"
... either that, or he said that he was going to rescue Anne Hathoway. Could've been either one really.
6. If your kid burps during a church service, you're really screwed... you're liable and can get arrested!
7. Omaha, Nebraska hates on the hairy dudes.
It is illegal to run around with a hairy chest.
8. It gets worse... if you are that guy with a hairy chest, and want a barber to shave it? Guess what, also illegal.
9. In the end, they suck because we beat them in football... and even when we lose, we win.
Shoutout to the Canes football team. And our really hot cheerleaders and Hurricanettes. You're just really really hot. Please, give me a call.
