My 21st birthday is a month away, and as any American, this is seen as a right of passage. As a Canadian, I have been to bars and clubs since I was 19. I took the birthday shot surrounded by whipped-cream placed inside the crotch of my then boyfriend. It is old news, and drinking really isn’t my thing anyways. I’d much rather spend my weekends playing board games with friends, or filling up my sketchbook with a pint of Ben & Jerry's at my side.
As far as birthdays go, I have not had a good birthday since I was 5 years old; that is a depressing story that I’d much rather not get into. Instead, here are 10 reasons why I think birthdays are the absolute worst, and if I choose not to participate any longer, I shouldn’t be chastised for that decision either.
1. Clowns are scary.
It's just common sense at this point.
2. Gaudy paper decorations and plastic hats.
Would you really want these things in your house at anytime other than a birthday? ...That's what I thought.
3. Cards are bad for the environment.
How many times do we really look at a birthday card before throwing them away?
4. People make a big deal for no reason.
Sometimes I feel like people get more excited about other peoples' birthdays than their own. What are these people not telling us?
5. Cake is the staple dessert of choice.
Everyone loves ice cream cake way more!
6. Shitty presents and forced gratitude are not fun.
You really didn't have to get me this pair of socks and new pot holders for my kitchen. No really, you shouldn't have.
7. You have to sit restrained while everyone sings off key.
Please tell me a more uncomfortable situation, I can't even sing to other people because I can feel their embarrassment from across the room.
8. It's just numbers of posts on your Facebook wall.
Shout-out to all the people I went to elementary school with and haven't spoken to since.
9. Expectations are made and then you are let down.
"We should do this for your birthday" or "I'm going to get you this so don't buy it yourself." Mhm, yeah... Totally.
10. It is an excuse to make everything about you.
How many times have you heard, "But it's my birthday"?
The world does not revolve around you any other day of the year, so why is today any different?
Do me a favor and don't just reach out to me on the one day a year you feel obligated to talk to me. Reach out to people you genuinely want to see more of in your life, ask them out for brunch! Not because they were birthed so many years ago on this particular day, but because that person adds a little something extra to your life. Give your mom a call and tell her what a wonderful human being she is for pushing you out, and taking care of you all these years. That's really what birthdays should be about: gratitude, and not yourself.
