It's football season, which brings about obnoxious school pride in college students everywhere. Allow me to give you a break from the incessant glee and leave you this list instead. Here are the top 10 reasons the University of North Alabama is just bad.
1. We have live lions. And they roar a lot.
Leo and Una (pronounced "you-na" like "university)" are our school mascots. They come to every home football game, and they roar sometimes. When that happens, professors will stop their lectures just to let you listen.
No, really, I'm here to get an education. Can you get back to rambling about the Roman empire? I was fascinated.
2. It's medium-sized, so you probably know a lot of people.
Seriously, who wants a supportive and tight-knit community to call their own? Ew.
3. You're not a number in the eyes of your professors.
No, Ms. Medlin, I'm not still working that job you knew I had in December. Why, yes, I am interested in an internship!
Your professors get to know you, set you up with career opportunities, and guide you towards your passions and success. Why anybody would want a professor to be their friend and mentor is beyond me.
4. The president teaches a class.
In the classroom, President Kitts becomes Dr. Kitts. He's probably one of the best lecturers I've ever heard, which is just really annoying. Shouldn't you be in an office making us question if you exist, instead of teaching class and attending every university event? You're so accessible to the university it's like you want us to believe you're here to help us. What?!
5. We pride ourselves in tradition.
Among other sentimentalities, UNA lights the Victory Flame for each game the football team wins. I mean, sure it's beautiful to see, but it sets us apart from other universities. Why would we want to be unique and awesome?
6. We were the first established four-year college in the state.
Because that makes us old. Like... senior citizens. Ew.
7. UNA was the last undefeated football team in Alabama, this season.
Guys, really. You're slacking. Be better.
8. Students can make money by going to UNA.
Our university believes in employing students, making tuition more affordable and instilling in students a work ethic. It's not like I need to make money after college? Why start now?
9. At the top of campus sets a fountain made from pieces of Florence, Italy, brought straight to Florence, Alabama.
This fountain, which greets the whole of UNA each morning, was placed at the top of campus to prevent cars from driving down Shelby Way (which runs through campus) and just for the sake of its own beauty.
What if we wanted our campus congested with traffic? What if we didn't want the perfect backdrop for our every formal and graduation picture? Did you think about that, Board of Trustees? Did ya?
10. Squirrels run rampant.
Okay, this one isn't even bad. It's just hilarious. For every UNA student, there is a squirrel with an identical personality. Will somebody please do research to figure out who outnumbers who: the humans, or the squirrels?
*Photos courtesy of the University of North Alabama photographers
