I don't hate North Dakota as much as I think I do. In fact, I'm proud to be a North Dakotan. But I have a few complaints, so I decided to write them down.
1. Hills? What are those?
Remember the phrase "rolling plains?" I'm convinced that it was coined due to the appearance of most of the state. If the states had bra sizes, North Dakota would be a 32AA. (The Badlands don't count. That's where the glacier melted and it didn't flatten that corner out like it should've.)
2. All the rednecks
Listen to me. Listen. A ridiculous amount of people have a Confederate flag displayed on their pickup somewhere. Remember learning about the Civil War? The Confederate flag was for the South. Alaska and Maine are the only states that go farther north than North Dakota. It makes no sense.
3. Bugs
I get it — we're not as bad as the southern states. But, I go through ridiculous amounts of bug spray every summer because it is a PROBLEM. On the bright side, they all go back to hell where they belong come winter-time.
4. We don’t understand the weather
Okay, I'm sure some of us understand it better than others, but for a quick science lesson: large bodies of water regulate temperatures so it doesn't get too cold in the winter and it doesn't get too hot in the summer. North Dakota has no large bodies of water near it (Lake Superior being the closest), so we've got weather on steroids up here.
Hot humid summers (with lots of storms just to spice it up a bit) and freezing cold winters (that last a good seven or eight months out of the 12 we have).
5. There are like, five cities — the rest are rural towns
I can barely name five cities. I got Fargo, Bismarck, Grand Forks, and Medora, before I had to ask my mom for help, and she added Minot, Williston, and Dickinson. So there's seven, I guess.
6. So. Much. Wind.
There's so little diversity in the landscape of North Dakota that the wind is free to just blow. If you have long hair: beware (and keep it braided as often as possible). It's so windy that I'm convinced that if the wind just stopped, we'd all tip over.
7. Did I mention winters are brutal?
I don't know why anybody would subject themselves to this cruelty, but the air hurts in winter. It's a combination of the wind, the snow, and the cold, but whatever isn't covered in multiple layers gets irritated and red. Why we live where the air hurts our faces, I don't know. It's absolute madness.
8. There's nothing to do
Unless you're 21, then you can go to the bar. Until then, you have to get drunk at parties. If you're like me and don't drink, however, you're just bored (but not hungover, so that's a win).
9. Nobody knows where it is
I've had people ask me if North and South Dakota are actually separate states or if it's just a heated rivalry. I've also been asked if we still ride in covered wagons and communicate through telegrams and snail mail instead of with smartphones like the rest of the country does. The only thing we're behind the times on is women's and civil rights, people, not stuff like electricity.
10. It’s not even really that bad
I saved this one for last because it's the one I hate the most. We could have it a lot worse, but it's not bad. It's just boring.
