I can remember several times throughout my childhood when I was backed into a corner by my peers as they asked me whether or not I had a girlfriend. Before I could ever answer "no," I recall feeling a sense of shame, that I was somehow failing at being a young, adolescent male. After I did answer, the next question my peers would ask is whether or not I wanted a girlfriend. To be honest, I was never quite sure how to answer this question. Answer "yes," and I seemed desperate. Answer "no," and I'd come across as being weird. It was a lose-lose situation. Years later, things have changed, and I no longer feel ashamed about my romantic shortcomings and failures.

1. I recognize the significance of relationships

I suppose I should be upfront and give my views on romantic relationships right off the bat. I do not date people "just for fun." Perhaps it's the conservative traditionalist in me speaking, but when you enter into a relationship with a girl, 1 of 2 things will happen. You will ultimately either "A," marry her, or "B," break her heart. It's as simple as that for me. Is it a black and white view? You bet. I mean, if you don't ever plan to marry the girl you're in a relationship with, then what are you really in the relationship for? For fun? Sex? Unfortunately for me, those ships set sail a long time ago. I'm not saying that I plan on being married at age 21, but who really does? If it happens then it happens, but a serious relationship is a valued relationship.

2. It's easier to put first things first

Everyone is different, but for me personally, I know that if I was currently in a relationship with someone then most of my time would be spent looking out for their overall well-being instead of my own. I'm currently a senior in college with a highly respectable GPA who is about to graduate in May of next year. I have come too far to simply limp towards the finish line. Without being in a relationship, it is easier for me to focus on myself and to make sure that I'm taking the right steps to reach the next chapter in my life.

3. I have a deeper appreciation for brotherhood

Brotherhood is meeting up with your buddy to catch up and have lunch at your favorite barbeque joint on a regular basis. Brotherhood is barhopping in downtown Asheville and knowing that your buddy has your back and will make sure you get home safe. Brotherhood is having your buddy drive 2 hours with you up to Virginia to be served dinner by a waitress you know at Cracker Barrel. Brotherhood is staying up 'till 4am playing Super Smash Bros with your buddy and talking about life's greatest secrets while getting kidney stones from drinking excessive amounts of Mountain Dew. Being in a relationship is important, but so is having a strong bond with those closest to you. Girls may come and go, but brothers stick around for life. There's no shame in spending time with family.

4. I've been able to meet myself

My romantic shortcoming and failures have allowed me to meet myself, someone whom I've been searching for nearly all of my life. In the words of Eminem, I've been "chewed up and spit out and booed off stage" when it comes to girls and relationships. There's a saying that adversity introduces a man to himself, and it's true. After each failed relationship or pursuit, I've been able to use every negative experience to grow and to make myself stronger. I've been able to figure out what I'm made of, the types of people I like, and more importantly, the type of people I don't like. Adversity continues to prepare me to be a better man for my future wife, and there is no shame to be found in that.

5. Lifelong friends and a cherished little sister

I had once fancied a sweet, Christian girl from Virginia who was unbelievably more humble and kind than I. She is now happily engaged to a wonderful sounding man, and I could not be happier for her. While initially disappointed, my pursuit of her (however poor it may have been) has not left me empty-handed. Despite our busy lives, we continue to keep in touch and I take comfort in knowing that I have quite the special friend for life.

Then there was another girl who I met at a retreat for a mutual club we were involved in at our respective schools. Over the course of the retreat we became very close, but unfortunately things never worked out. She is now happily involved with another fellow, and I expect their relationship to make it all the way. We too, continue to keep in touch, and because she is a few years younger than me and because we are so close, we now see each other as little sister and older brother, respectively. I make sure to check up on her from time to time, and she helps to make sure that I stay in line.

(That's us in the cover photo too, by the way!)

6. I embrace the role of the third-wheel

I've always been one of those people who tries to embrace the situation for what it is, and if I'm going to be third-wheeling, then I might as well be good at it. I realize that being able to spend time with my friends will sometimes mean spending time with their significant other as well. Whenever I play the role of the third-wheel, I take pride and honor in having such a supportive and influential part to play in my buddy's relationship with his girl. I'm able to make me buddy look good, I'm able to help his girlfriend with any questions she may have about my buddy, such as what he likes or how he'll react to something, and most of all, I have the power and influence to speak on behalf of my buddy's character should his girlfriend ever question his actions or words. I have no shame in doing my part to ensure that my buddy and his girlfriend have a successful (and fun) relationship.

7. I'm not as obsessive as I used to be

Of the course of my many failed pursuits and relationships, I've learned that I have a bad habit of obsessing over things. Why hasn't she texted me back? Is she really that busy? Is she ignoring me? Who's that guy she keeps texting? Is he really just a friend? Did I say or do something wrong? Did she expect me to say or do something? These are just a few of the questions that regularly plagued my mind for a long time, and I would obsess over them nearly to the point of self-destruction. Being single has provided me with a period of reflection where I've been able to ponder different ways of self-improvement, and the biggest payoff of my solitude has been that I no longer overthink things to such a high degree. I still catch myself excessively obsessing every now and then, but it has become easier to get it together and to metaphorically swim back to shore.

8. I don't need a girl in order to be happy

Girlfriends are great, but if having a girl is the only thing that makes a guy happy, then what does that say about him? Quite frankly, it says that he still requires time working on self-improvement. No girl in the world will be able to make all of a guy's personal demons go away; those are battles that need to be fought individually. I may have my own personal demons, but the difference between me and the next guy is that I am willing to acknowledge my faults and shortcomings, which in turn paves the way me to be able to be happy on my own instead of needing a girl to serve as a smokescreen for the battles going on within myself.

9. I no longer own a copy of the "universal playbook" for getting a girl

My romantic failures and shortcomings have inspired me to throw my copy of the "universal playbook" out the window, simply because I've come to learn that every single girl, guy, and situation is different. Similarities may abound between different relationships, but they are all unique in their own way. I've often wondered why no one has ever written a book on how to get a girl without fail, but then I realized that writing such a book would be asking someone to do the impossible - there is absolutely no single surefire "play" that a guy can use to get every girl in the world to fall for him. Every girl is different, even if it's in the slightest way, and that is something that ought to be respected. Throwing my copy of the "universal playbook" out the window is just another example of the lessons I've learned from the solitude and reflective period of being single.

10. I am simply being prepared for The One

Above all else, I have no shame in being single because my romantic failures and shortcomings are simply preparing me to be the best man that I can be for when I finally meet The One. It's also possible that I've already met The One, and that the only reason her identity hasn't been revealed to me yet is because there are still more lessons to learn and wisdom to gain. The girl of a man's dreams equally deserves to be with the man of her own dreams, and that is just one of the many reasons why I refuse to feel ashamed about my romantic failures and shortcomings. I see every challenge as an opportunity to rise to the occasion and to better myself for the future, a future where The One awaits.