It's that time of year again. The weeks before Christmas where the malls get crowded and everyone is running around buying up their loved ones' Christmas list.
However, for Jewish people, the month of December goes a little differently. We don't rush around the malls trying to find the perfect gifts to put under the Hanukkah bush or set cookies out for Hanukkah Harry. We eat our gelt and chill, and we love it.
We also love that you gentiles are so confounded by this "Christmas-like Holiday for Jews." We appreciate your questions, but we get kind of sick of having to hear "Merry Christmas er Happy Holidays" every time we come by. So here's a list of things that Jews are tired of being asked about around Christmas time.
1. So you don't have a Christmas tree?"
No, luckily I avoided the whole "forest in your living room" trend.
2. Is Hanukkah like the Jewish Christmas?
Pass me some eggnog before I have to answer this question.
3. So you don't believe in Santa?
No. So when I was little I used to tell all my classmates the truth. Any fellow Jews relate?
4. Does that mean you get offended when someone says "Merry Christmas"?
Do you get offended when someone says "Happy Thanksgiving?" I mean you're not a pilgrim, it's kind of the same thing.
5. Are there any Hanukkah Songs?
Yeah, we have like two. Ever heard of the Dreidel song? Also, Adam Sandler put us on the map with the "Hanukkah Song" so that was cool.
6. How do you even spell Hanukkah?
I don't even know. It's basically a decision of preference.
7. Is "Full Court Miracle" an accurate representation of Hanukkah?
Yes, Dcoms are always on point.
8. What about that Rugrats episode?
Yeah, Nickelodeon didn't do too bad either.
9. Oh wow, you're so lucky you get eight days of presents!
Haha! If by presents you mean a chocolate coin and some lotion, yeah it's great. No. We get the same amount of presents as everyone else, maybe less.
10. Oh, I know someone who celebrates Hanukkah do you know ( insert stereotypical Jewish name here)?
I know 20 people off the top of my head with that name, please stop talking to me and pass the Latkes.
