Hello, you sun puddles!
If you're tired of wasting away at home with just your air conditioner as company and plan on traveling somewhere warm this summer, maybe just don't.
We all know that the get-hot season is really the let's-not season. Be grateful for your air conditioner. Not everyone has one, and yours deserves to be cuddled up next to sometimes. You never show it any appreciation and it's tired of being used just when it's convenient.
But, if you "already promised your friend you'd go road-tripping with her all the way to Texas" then here are some traveling essentials you might want to pack for the ride.
1. A good pair of sunglasses.
What's more important than looking good while you're driving for hours into the blinding light of the sun? Always pack at least two pairs of sunglasses for the road, just in case you misplace one pair. Both your eyes and Instagram will thank you later.
2. The perfect driving playlist.
There's nothing worse than sitting in a car with someone for fourteen hours -- except for sitting in a car with someone for fourteen hours with only the sounds of a) each other's breathing and b) pathetic attempts at small talk to keep you sane. Make a playlist. Stick to the playlist. Preferably with at least two of The Killers' albums on it.
And if your friend doesn't like The Killers? Well...well.
3. All of your medications.
You don't want to be halfway to your destination and realize you left your benedryl in your medicine cabinet. Think ahead! Pack whatever you use on a semi-regular basis: Pain killers, allergy meds, birth control, sedatives, you name it. Don't let the unexpected put a damper on your trip, especially when you could have prevented it.
(Because apparently someone doesn't like The Killers. Someone wasn't ever a big "indie-rock-and-roll" fan and prefers to listen to something a little more "artful" and a little less "in your face." Good thing you packed all your happy pills, right? Because, wow, is your friend asking for it or what.
4. A butcher knife
Just because you're on a road trip doesn't mean you can't practice your culinary arts too! Butcher knives are very useful and very mobile. If things get hairy, you can use it on any mindless, musically pretentious animal that's made itself comfortable in your passenger seat. Or even use it as a compact mirror!
5. Disinfectant.
As you know, things can get a little dirty on the road. Don't forget to pack some little wipes to clean up any stray crumbs from your fast food lunch. (Don't pretend like you didn't splurge on those Mickey D's french fries a few miles back!) Heck, why not pack a whole bottle of bleach and give your car the complete wash down from the inside out that it deserves. As soon as possible, actually. Pull over on the side of the road and clean your car right now.
6. Garbage bags.
Preferably the heavy duty black ones. Fun fact: Garbage bags are not only good for garbage. Take out the "garbage" in garbage bag, and those heavy duty sacks can be utilized for just about anything: snackage, dirty laundry, ponchos, an extra suitcase, limbs and incriminating bloody clothing, makeshift dresses, gratuitous amounts of candy, you name it. Garbage bags only have a bad rap because of the label we as a society have prescribed to them. Does that seem right to you?
7. Physical maps.
No, your phone's map app doesn't count. Don't you know? Phone's aren't really phones. They are tracking devices the government will use to find you and dig up your secrets. Wake up and smell the conspiracy.
Note: Be sure to know what you're looking for. Circle all deserted stretches of empty land where no one would bother you. Upon arrival, dispose of your map by ingesting it.
8. A shovel.
9. A tire iron.
No one wants to think about worst case scenarios, but what if you get stranded because of a blown tire? You can't let anything slow you down on your adventure. Not with a wide open road of opportunity ahead of you, and the wailing scream of sirens behind you.
10. The entire Spanish language.
At this rate, why not go the extra nine miles on your vacation to an actual vacation spot? With Mexico waiting for you, who cares about Texas anyways? At least until things, you know, quiet down. Buena suerte, amigo!
And always remember -- drive safely!
