My mother has so many sayings that my family and I have become to refer to them as “Momisms”, or better known as the language of the American mother. Some Moms speak my mother’s form of “Momism”, while others are very broken, but either way, I know that every Mom has at least said one “Momism” in her whole life. My mother has so many, that there are way more than 10, but here are just a few of my favorite “Momisms” courtesy of my own mother.

1. Sleepy Seeds

You know that goo that accumulates in the corners of your eyes as you sleep? Yeah, those are “sleepy seeds”. Sometimes we would interchange this term with “eye goobers”, but “sleepy seeds” is a family favorite.

2. Screw the Pooch

My older sister, Megan, likes to talk about the time my mother and she were fighting in the car and my mother referred to my sister’s actions as “screwing the pooch”. Apparently, my sister stopped in mid-scream and loudly proclaimed that she has never done anything sexual with our family dog. “Screw the pooch” = Megan, you really fucked up.

3. Fruit Basket

I wish I were talking about a lovely gift from our neighbors, but sadly, I am not. A fruit basket, according to my mother, refers to a crazy person, or someone who thinks a little differently than other people. Not to be confused with “fruity”, a derogatory term for a gay man. Synonyms include “fruit cake” and “nutty”.

4. No Way Jose

Absolutely not. I am never ever going to allow that. Don’t be ridiculous. Jose, don’t do that. My mom doesn’t know a Jose, but I suppose he’s always getting into trouble somewhere.

5. Blonde Moment

My mother was a natural blonde in her youth and she has given birth to three naturally blonde children. She often uses this as a form of understanding our teenage stupidity and overall lack of ability to function as people.

6. Hoot

When someone says a joke that makes my mother laugh she’ll call her a “hoot”. I suppose it insinuates that she was so funny she made my mother “hoot” with laughter, but I always just picture an owl.

7. Old Fart

When my mother is driving and she comes across a particularly aggravating older driver, they suddenly become an “old fart”. The older generation is not young enough to even produce their own farts, so they have to reuse their past farts when needing to let out a little wind—hence “old fart”.

8. Settle Petal

Basically, Mom is telling me that I need to chill out. When I find out we’re having spaghetti for dinner— “settle petal”. When I guess the correct answer on Jeopardy— “settle petal”. When Justin Timberlake FINALLY acknowledges my Tweets— “settle petal”.

9. Oh Poo

Probably my favorite Momism of all time. In instances where something REALLY bad has happened, like our house burns down, or someone dies, my mother has the most underrated reaction ever—“oh poo”. Yet, when a car cuts her off in traffic, that’s when the four-letter words come out.

10. Kapeesh

“Don’t kill your sister, Erinn. Kapeesh?”

“Yeah Ma, I understand.”