For those who don't know, my Aunt Wendy, the world's best and cutest person, is deaf and intellectually delayed. I've adored her since I was born, and she's lived with my parents for the past several years. Now that I'm away at a college in another state, we naturally miss each other a lot. This leads to her sending me multiple texts each and every day, and us Skyping religiously every three days.
It's also important to note that she's a terrible typer and speller and her misuse of emojis is well-known and hilarious. As a result, I have a plethora of hilarious screenshots saved on my computer of times when Wendy's texts were at their best. These are some of those screenshots and what they really mean.
1. "Shw me"
Translation: "Did you get the mail I sent?"
"Show me" (a.k.a. "Prove it, you liar. I need photographic proof")
2. "Iam spiepe gvfe"
First of all, this is some super lazy typing, even for Wendy. She put it in less than no effort on this spelling.
Rough Translation: "Annie, I am giving you something special" (spoiler alert: it was mail)
3. "Bedbug that but"
This one starts off fairly standard. She's asking for the thousandth time (that day) whether I have sent her some mail yet. The perplexing final message is one of several examples of Wendy using her voice to text feature, yelling incoherent deaf woman sounds meaning something along the lines of "I love you" and then deciding that "Bedbug that but" was close enough to her intended message to send anyways.
4. "Fish and dog pary friends baktball food"
This one arrived immediately after she left from a weekend visiting me in Minneapolis. Note: "baktball" was actually a football game. Sports are not her thing.
Translation: "I visited with you." and then when I asked her favorite things we did, a straightforward list; "Fish and dog party friends basketball food."
Wendy often texts just the word "cute" with no clear reasoning. Every time I reply with, "You are cute!"
She always responds "yes." (so humble) She doesn't always add the sad cat emoji and a "Hi baby + super lifelike baby emoji." Really stepped this one up a notch.
6. "Fold and [old fashioned video camera emoji]"
One of Wendy's favorite chores is the beloved folding of socks. She spends several hours each week distractedly folding socks on her bedroom floor while also watching a movie and checking her iPad for texts. 70% of the socks she folds end up mismatched. I caught her at one of these moments in this texting convo.
Translation: "Folding socks and watching a movie" (apparently her iPad has learned that she talks about movies now and suggests this emoji for her to use. There's no way she would've found that one on her own.)
Wendy is obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She also has no idea whatsoever how to spell his name. Last fall our family went on a vacation to Disney World with Wendy for her to meet him in person. This conversation occurred just days before we met up in Florida.
Translation: "Mickey Mouse" (but spelled so badly that autocorrect couldn't even help at all)
8. "Will tallk soon"
This series of messages came in less than 30 seconds after we hung up on one of our video chats. Wendy believes wholeheartedly that the purple devil emoji is a happy cat. It's one of her very favorites. (she has a pillow of it on her bed) The pig is a total wildcard. Not sure if I should laugh or be offended.
9. "The boob boob boob"
Again, messages sent directly after a video call. This is the all-time best example of Wendy using voice to text.
Translation: "The movie (video call) was fun with you and Nate (my boyfriend, who she consistently calls note)" Then she yells into her microphone, leaving me to ponder and laugh over "the boob boob boob" (which if you've heard Wendy say I love you or make her noises of adoration is actually pretty darn accurate).
10. "Did done [checkmark emoji]"
This one comes from a group message between my mom, Wendy, and me, one that Wend also frequently posts in. In this instance she was late to take her nightly shower, but was obsessively still texting me. After being told several times (in person) to get it done, my mom messaged her on the group. 45 minutes later, this is the sassy punk's reply.
Translated: "I did it. I'm done." (and of course the double use of the sassy checkmark emoji. No idea where she found that one.)
So, this is life with Wendy. This is the woman who drives everyone crazy with her constant and obsessive texting, but who everyone adores. I mean, how couldn't we? Her texts are so classic.
And if anyone's wondering, this is the mail I receive from Wendy each week. Covered in stickers and with notes that are basically incomprehensible to anyone but me. That is true love, friends.